Feb. 27, 2025
Worth the Wait
346: Pastor Plek and Pastor Holland tackle the importance of being prepared for marriage through insightful analogies and personal experiences. Listeners are encouraged to reflect on their readiness for commitment and the role of parents in guiding their children's relationship education.
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00:00 - Welcome and Overview
14:30 - The Cooking Analogy: Lessons from McDonald's
30:00 - Seeking Spouses: Dilemmas and Dreams
46:00 - Parents’ Role in Training for Marriage
59:15 - Understanding Biblical Marriage
01:10:30 - Confronting Cultural Views on Relationships
WEBVTT
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and welcome back to pastor plex podcast.
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We are live here in studio in wells branch, austin texas, along with holland, greg hello and holland.
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Uh, holland helped me knock this sermon out this past sunday by all the just the deep study, all of the vigorous research, and I got some of the charts from Holland this week, so I was super grateful for that.
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I am super grateful to know that you use them.
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Yeah, yeah, I did.
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I did, in fact.
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Here's what we talked about.
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We talked about that you want to make sure that you're ready before you jump into marriage, and here's my analogy.
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All right, did you know that I worked at McDonald's?
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Yes, and my very first day cooking fish and filet Filet of fish or fish and filet you know what the problem is.
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I said fish and filet like 50 times and then it wasn't until like the 51st time that I said, oh crud, I mean filet of fish, nice, and I don't even know why, like as one who worked at McDonald's.
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This is like how you know you're getting old.
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But maybe I think I wrote it wrong the first time and then I just couldn't help myself.
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But anyway, you are getting old, I am getting old, I am 48.
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As of.
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Sunday it was bad.
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My age showed on my birthday because I kept saying fish will fly Filet-O-Fish.
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So I was cooking this Filet-O-Fish, right, 32 years ago.
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There I was, and as I'm cooking the Filet-O-Fish I didn't realize there was buttons and beepers that went off to let you know how long you're supposed to cook the Filet of fish.
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And so I just was like gonna feel it out.
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Yeah, so you know.
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And you don't want to put your hand in the hot grease because that would hurt, right.
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And in fact one time I did take a fry thing.
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It hit my arm and I had a scar of like railroad track of grease fryer thing on my elbow or arm for like, yeah, it was wild.
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So, elbow or arm for like, yeah, it was wild.
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So anyway, I'm sitting there watching the filet-o-fish and I'm like that looks good, it's like it's time, and so I pull it out.
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It looked good to me, I served it and then, about 30 minutes later, the manager comes running back to the back furious as to who would have served uncooked filet-o-fish and it was uncooked now at 16.
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do you think I took responsibility for that?
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Probably not, not, nope, I just go don't know what happened.
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But it was totally me and I apologize and I own it.
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Now you know what that brings to mind for me.
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Tell me, have you I mean, have you ever had?
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Did you ever eat the Filet-O-Fish?
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Yeah, like, when it's fully cooked it is worth the wait it is.
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That's just my personal opinion, though I don't know if you agree with that or not, but what do you think about that?
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Yeah, you have to have the right tartar sauce on it.
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It is absolutely delicious, Worth the wait.
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You would say, yeah, it's so worth the wait and that brings us to the analogy about sex and marriage that it is worth the wait, man what a perfect analogy.
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Yeah it was Now in preaching practice.
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I was laughed at over and over again and nobody could believe in preaching practice.
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I would actually go forward and use that, but I did.
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That's right.
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And that's what makes you you.
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Okay, you know what?
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I am willing to go a little bit beyond, outside the norm, to get something to land.
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And did it land 100% no, but that's not the important thing.
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The important thing is you get where I'm going, and that's important.
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You know, I think it landed where it needed to land it needed and whoever needed that.
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They got it.
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They got it you know what they were.
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Like I'm half-baked all right, sorry I'm out of control okay, all right.
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Uh, so we, we went into the text and the text talked about this girl having a dream sequence.
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Probably before she's married.
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She's like on my bed by night.
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I sought him, whom my soul loves.
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I sought him.
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Then she's like I'll seek him.
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She went about the city streets and the city squares and she's him, but she couldn't find him.
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She goes to the police officers, the watchman of the night, and she's like have you seen him?
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And the big thing I took away from that is seeking a spouse is actually good.
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Yeah, it's a desire, that's a good desire, very good.
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He who finds a wife finds a good thing.
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And apparently you have to look for him.
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That's right.
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And so I said you know?
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So I don't know.
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Did you ever get told this when you were single?
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When you're not looking, that's when you'll find a spouse.
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Yeah, it was the advice of just like just seek God, Right, yeah, it was the advice of just seek God, run hard after God and then, in his timing, he'll bring you a spouse.
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So what are your thoughts on that?
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Because in a sense I fully agree with that and there's another sense that I think it's incomplete.
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Right, that was my sense.
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It's like, of course you've got to seek God.
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But you know what?
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I also get hungry for food, and when I get hungry for food I don't just sit in my house and go Lord, it is time for you to bring me my meal.
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I get out of my house and I go to McDonald's and I get my paleo fish Wow, Full circle, brought it back, right back in.
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Or actually, right now I'm on a thing where you know hgb, the little meals are already pre-made yeah I love those like, like the tv dinners in the freezer, or what do you?
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is that not what you meant?
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Oh, that's exactly right okay, they're like tv, but they're way better than a TV dude.
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Oh, okay.
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Yeah, they're not frozen, they're refrigerated.
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Oh, yeah, step up Listen, that's where I am next level, anyway, so so you go out and get it.
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I go-.
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You trust God to provide for you and you understand that you have a role, Like you have a garden in your backyard, that's right.
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You go and water it, you tend to it and then you grow your garden, you cut your vegetables and bam, you make yourself some soup.
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Amen, Tomato soup coming up in a couple months.
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I can't wait.
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Yeah, I'll bring you some, so I think that's the problem.
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I think a lot of times people say you know, you just need to stop looking and let God bring the one, and you don't do that with anything else.
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If someone did that with a job, like you know, I'm just waiting for God to bring me the right job.
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And they never put a resume out, they never got on LinkedIn, they didn't apply to any jobs, they didn't go to Indeed, they didn't go to monstercom, they didn't do whatever it is that you do when you're looking for a job Job seekers network, you can go about a bazillion different places.
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If they never did that and you said, like the Lord's going to bring me one If we would all go, that's one lazy, that is two like not biblical.
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Right, yeah, but then so that that's.
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There's the sense of like.
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You know your role and responsibility to do something for it, but there's also like the like.
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I do think the idea of like run hard after God.
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That puts you on the trajectory where you ought to be looking.
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Right.
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It puts you around the right people.
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Yeah, like I think of like, you think of like Ruth and Boaz, and even the Shulamite woman and Solomon in this song.
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She, you know, she was looking in the fields where he was tending his flock.
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You know the Ruth went into the fields where the Lord had, where she felt like the Lord had led her, and then that's where she found Boaz, and so like there is a sense where I would say I would, I would agree, pursue God a hundred percent and like.
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That means like get involved in church, know, and like being uh, filling your life with the things of god and um church community and that kind of stuff.
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But then within that community there's also the aspect of like, yeah, you can proactively seek a spouse so it's not like one or the other.
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Yeah, yeah, I like that.
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So even within ruth it's like by her doing the right thing, yeah, taking care of her mother-in-law, yeah, it like she didn't know that Boaz would be this provisional dude.
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It just because she was constantly doing the right thing she was put in that position.
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But even then she had to kind of let him know hey, I'm available.
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Yeah, there was her pursuing God.
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I'm going to make your God my God.
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I'm going to follow her, becoming a believer in God and pursuing him.
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But then the Lord did he?
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He put Boaz right in her path.
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But then there was, you know, back to her side again.
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There was her kind of um, uh, taking the initiative to, like you said.
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Hey, I'm available.
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And so, like it is a mixture, it's like God putting someone in your path, uh, and you just seeking God as your first priority and you you know, making a move, okay.
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So here's the next part I talked about, which might be controversial.
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I said parents should be training their children on what kind of a person to be as a spouse and who they should be looking for, and talking about it regularly.
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How is?
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that controversial Explain, because what people, what parents have said— that sounds so normal to me.
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I know it sounds so normal, but we also have a lot of people that say something like this Like I'm going to let my kids figure out their faith, like, whatever they want to believe, I'm going to let them believe.
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And I'm like it's so weird about how, the most important thing of their life, we don't train them.
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And I think that's why relationships are such train wrecks now is because nobody was ever trained.
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Nobody sat down and said, hey, this is what you're looking for in a godly woman.
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Yeah, these are the attributes, these are the character traits.
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Um, let's read the bible together, let's study it to see if, um, does this woman meet the criteria set forth in what a godly woman looks like, before we even go down the path of falling in love?
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Yeah, usually what happens?
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We fall in love and then we sort of like, well, they could be, they've got all this potential Right and we marry on potential based on what we've seen.
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Now, to an extent, we're all marrying potential right, yeah, sure, yeah, but I mean in the sense of we all have room to grow.
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That's what you mean right.
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Yeah, what I always say when it comes to that is I say Mary proof, not potential.
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So like Mary proof, meaning you have seen that this person is who they say they are and that that lines up with scripture.
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And what a scripture calls to be, you know, calls a man or a woman to be so Mary proof, not potential.
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Scripture calls a man or a woman to be so marry proof, not potential.
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I think that would save so many relationships by ending them, save so many people from the heartache of marrying potential and then they're in a miserable marriage where the person they thought they were going to become X, y or Z and they never do.
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But if you marry proof, not potential, you save yourself from that.
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Yeah, how about somebody that's already in a marriage?
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That married potential and the proof never came.
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Ken, before that could just go back to the country.
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You know you said it was a controversial question I just want to throw out there.
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There's this book.
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It's a really old book, Ooh, ancient, 1622 edition.
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I love it it's called Before the 1689 First London Baptist Confession.
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There you go, second London Baptist.
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Second.
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London Baptist Come on, dang it.
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Of Domestical Duties, william Gouge.
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So this book's kind of controversial in that it is essentially an exposition and application of Ephesians 5 and 6 about marriage and children.
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Yeah, application of Ephesians 5 and 6 about marriage and children, but breaking down pretty much every single possible way that those verses could be applied.
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And so it's like how a husband loves his wife when she is tired, how a husband loves his wife during pregnancy, immediately after the baby, what a mother's responsibility to her children are during pregnancy, after the.
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You know, when the children are this age, how a child honors his father, how a father disciplines his child, but not too sternly, but also not too gently.
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But also, and just like I mean, it's just this long, long, long book of domestical duties that's what it's called and anyway it goes into.
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It has all these sections about what a parent's responsibility to their children are.
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And you know, basically, under the idea of bring up your children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord, it's like, okay, what does that mean?
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And it's like teaching your kids manners and it's fathers you're responsible to.
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You know, teach your children a profitable trade and to prepare them for a certain vocation.
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Fathers, you are responsible for helping your children find a spouse and know what to look for in a spouse.
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So finding a spouse and preparing them for a particular vocation, those are two where I feel like have really dropped off as something that parents see as like their responsibility.
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I think we punted to school, right?
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I mean like the like, the school dances where you learn romance, and uh, whatever college you go to is what is where you learn whatever trade you're going to get.
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Yeah, yeah, exactly.
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And you know, and it's kind of like, do whatever your heart desires.
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And there is a sense in that like, uh, you know, we, we don't want to like force our kids to do something.
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Is the mindset behind that?
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We don't want to force them to marry this person or force them into this thing, because you know what if they're miserable or something like that.
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But, um, if you don't think of it as like forcing something, but think of it as just part of your discipleship here, you know what a parent's responsibility to their child is.
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And so back to Song of Solomon and a spouse, part of your responsibility is to teach your children what one be fruitful and multiply.
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The normal pathway in life is to get married and have children and raise a godly family.
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And so you know, you got to know what to look for and you got to know how to become the kind of person who will be successful in that man.
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I love that.
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I agree with you.
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I think it is a parent's responsibility and there was a day hundreds of years ago where other theologians and pastors taught this and wrote books about it.
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Wow, like wouldn't that be wild if we like wrote a book that said, like how to train your kid a trade, yeah, I mean so I don't know that's been like for me as a father with young children, like something I'm thinking about a lot and like just well-roundedhip, that's not just memorize these Bible verses obviously you're training them in spiritual things, but also marriage, vocation, uh, manners, you know all that kind of stuff that goes into really preparing children for the world.
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I think that's so hard and so good and, I think, challenging, um.
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So one of the things that I talked about is that you know you've heard of the 10,000 hour rule.
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Yeah, all right.
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So Malcolm Gladwell, he didn't come up with it, but he researched it and kind of took the guy where we originally made it up and took it and ran with it.
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But it takes about 10,000 hours to master a craft, and so for kids like you have, 10 years is about if you did two hours a day, that's 10 years, or if you're going to do 20 years, however long, you know, and you did an hour a day, you know, I don't know how much time, but like I wanted.
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When you think about discipling your kids, like challenging them on scripture, challenging them in God's word, praying with them, having them go through challenging things, they have to exercise their faith you know there's a lot of things that go there, but I think we probably have had our kids master the craft of video games more than we've had.
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Master the craft of relationship, master the craft of Bible reading, master the craft of any of that.
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In fact, that is convicting me, because I'm like.
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There are times where I'm like here's the switch.
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I need to function.
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And I think that's on all of us really to kind of push through that and to engage our kids.
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When it's so easy to punt towards technology, yep, 100%.
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So in the same way, I think the reason why marriages really struggle is that you were never trained in any of this, and so when we're talking about such a high standard, I think, as I was preaching I don't know if you know I wasn't getting a lot of feedback I think more people are laughing more.
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I think they're just like sort of like hanging on, you know, white knuckling the talk, because we're talking about something that very few people have mastered.
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Yeah, it's way easier to engage something when you feel like you've got that, but on, when it comes to relationships, sex, that kind of stuff, I feel like we are a very fragile in that as a culture and society, and so that's not something we've been trained on, and so, therefore, this is a hard topic to come up with, and it can bring a lot of shame and maybe even condemnation, because you're reading God's word and you're realizing oh man, I did not live up to this and now I feel like the devil's on me going.
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You'll never measure up, you can't measure up, nobody really wants you, how could you say that you're a Christian?
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Yeah, yeah.
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And the really great news about Christianity is that God is a redeemer and he's a sanctifier and he can take you know someone who has just royally screwed up their marriage, you know in every way you can think of and you know in in his timing and um, through patient, you know, sanctification process, he can turn it into, uh, not only a healthy marriage but a healthy marriages, a healthy marriage that blesses and teaches and is a testimony to other healthy marriages about the power of God to save.
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So like there's no great thing about Christianity is like there's no like too far gone situation and really like the more far gone you are, the more glory God is going to get.
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You know, when he turns things around and that's like God's specialty in the Bible is he take like he intentionally even goes after like why did I pick Israel?
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You're the smallest and weakest and so I'm going to use you to glorify my name because it's so unlikely that some, that a people like you, would do anything significant.
00:17:35.038 --> 00:17:37.807
You know, like that's basically what he told him in Deuteronomy.
00:17:37.807 --> 00:17:45.332
It's so unlike like no one would believe this other than like the sovereign grace and mercy of God at work.
00:17:45.613 --> 00:17:47.813
Yeah, so you're kind of in a great position.
00:17:47.924 --> 00:18:01.913
If your marriage is like a train wreck, man, you are in the perfect position for God to do a miracle, and that you would become a testimony of his grace, or if you're single and you've been divorced or you've had like over and over, things just went horribly, horribly wrong.
00:18:02.053 --> 00:18:10.911
Yeah, you might be the person god's going to use in a really special, special way, not because of how great you've been, but in spite of how wicked and dark you've been.
00:18:10.911 --> 00:18:14.105
But your, your heart's been transformed by the gospel.
00:18:14.105 --> 00:18:22.528
Jesus came, died on the cross, rose to death, giving the whole power of the holy spirit, and now you're operating in freedom, you're operating with noation and you're being a light to the world.
00:18:22.528 --> 00:18:38.142
So I do think, whether you're single or you're married, no matter where you are, the cool thing about that the desire that you might have for marriage is a desire even greater God has for you as a person All right.
00:18:38.204 --> 00:18:45.594
So she finds in the Song of Solomon, the woman finds her husband I think it's in a dream sequence and then she brings him.
00:18:45.594 --> 00:18:52.218
She wouldn't let him go until she had brought him into my mother's house, into the chamber of her who conceived me.
00:18:52.218 --> 00:19:11.248
So it's kind of fun that she brings her home to mom and then there's this phrase I adjure you, o godly, spouse is worth the wait, and so marry.
00:19:11.248 --> 00:19:12.452
Proof, not potential.
00:19:13.207 --> 00:19:19.294
I think that that is challenging, I think it's achievable and I think that's the way God intended it.
00:19:19.294 --> 00:19:23.395
And honestly, because I think what happens with a lot of people, they say I just want to be happy, so I'm going to.
00:19:23.395 --> 00:19:29.555
I've seen marriages go wrong, I've seen my parents, or I've seen divorce or whatever.
00:19:29.555 --> 00:19:36.265
And then you say I just want to be happy and living together takes away the drama of marriage.
00:19:36.265 --> 00:19:40.675
And that couldn't be further from the truth, just even statistically speaking.
00:19:40.777 --> 00:19:58.175
Right, and those are a couple of charts you passed me, which one was like those who are highly religious, with gender traditional views have the highest relationship quality index number, like 73% of relational quality, versus those who aren't.
00:19:58.175 --> 00:19:59.018
In fact it's kind of weird.
00:19:59.018 --> 00:20:03.272
It's like first is those who are highly religious and have gender traditional.
00:20:03.272 --> 00:20:05.237
Second is highly religious, have gender progressive.
00:20:05.237 --> 00:20:10.762
But then third, which I thought was sort of interesting, secular, shared gender progressive.
00:20:10.762 --> 00:20:18.313
So people who don't believe in God but are probably adamant about it and then they think that you know, a man or woman can exchange roles.
00:20:18.313 --> 00:20:20.481
Those guys are most, they're like.
00:20:20.481 --> 00:20:23.988
Third best in the category of relational quality, which I thought was sort of interesting.
00:20:24.711 --> 00:20:26.886
Yeah, very interesting Cause if you, you know you take the.
00:20:27.186 --> 00:20:39.650
Well, I don't know, we could theorize all day about this stuff but, um, yeah, the fact that highly religious, gender, traditional um is the high, the highest, uh, um, relational satisfaction.
00:20:39.650 --> 00:20:40.271
Is that what it is?
00:20:40.271 --> 00:20:42.297
Yeah, and then one of the other ones.
00:20:42.297 --> 00:20:49.650
I don't know if you use this one, but odds of happy marriage increase when spouse is committed, protective, religious and romantic.
00:20:49.650 --> 00:20:52.795
And you're just like man, like this.
00:20:52.935 --> 00:20:54.858
The data backs up the bible.
00:20:54.858 --> 00:20:58.890
The bible like just, it's just very clear right there across the board.
00:20:58.890 --> 00:21:01.054
Um, and what is it like?
00:21:01.054 --> 00:21:01.855
Um, right there across the board.
00:21:01.855 --> 00:21:02.415
And what is it like?
00:21:02.415 --> 00:21:05.359
1% of couples who pray together get divorced?
00:21:05.359 --> 00:21:10.886
Only 1%, I think.
00:21:10.886 --> 00:21:14.480
So when you, you know, sometimes people compare, like the divorce rate in the church and out of the church is like the same.
00:21:14.480 --> 00:21:15.442
I think that's been debunked.
00:21:15.442 --> 00:21:23.933
But there that, if you, if you don't just say people who like kind of identify as Christian or something, but if you go to actually pray together, it drops down to like 1%.
00:21:23.933 --> 00:21:25.798
So you take all of that together and you go.
00:21:25.798 --> 00:21:35.356
People who embrace traditional roles I think biblical roles probably better than traditional, more specific, but people who embrace biblical roles are committed to church, pray together.
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