Transcript
WEBVTT
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And welcome back to Pastor Plek's podcast.
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I'm your host, Pastor Plek, and joining me in studio is none other than Senor Jordan Smith.
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Hey, excited to be here, Chris.
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And also Lorianne Peacock.
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Welcome, lorianne, hello, hello.
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Okay.
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Well, I'm so excited for your story today, lorianne, I've got Jordan in here for some extra interview help, because your story is so intense that I don't think it's just ready for mainstream ears.
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So let's walk through this.
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Tell me about.
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We're going to talk about how Jesus really saved you, redeemed you, brought you from death to life.
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But want to kind of start in your childhood.
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Tell me the story.
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I'm trying to remember how I started it in the email.
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Well, there are three of you total your brother, you and your little sister.
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There is so, honestly, we had an amazing childhood.
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We really did.
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My mind is going everywhere right now.
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You were daddy daddy's girl, so we traveled a lot and we like, so, um, they've been married.
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My parents married almost 50 years, yeah, um, and so you know, very loving household.
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Yeah.
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And a very Catholic household.
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Um, but our, our world, pretty much, was revolved around family and traveling um from you know, desert life with the trailer and the dog and the truck and ATVs.
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I mean beach, I mean you name it.
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We did it all when we were kids, Um, and yeah, dad's, I'm, I'm daddy's little girl through and through.
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So, um, I kind of wish I had my little email right here with me to flash back to it.
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But, um, my mind's like totally taking a blank right now.
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Sorry, my mind's like totally taking a blank right now.
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It happens, your trouble began whenever your mom, like you, had the storybook life, until your mom just got fed up at one point.
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So yeah, so dad was a president of a biker club when we were growing up and that was completely normal for all of us, from having house parties and all his buddies moving over at the garage and my mom's friends or the wives of all the biker buddies, and you know we grew up with all their kids and all that um, halloween parties at the garage.
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I mean, we, we were called the party peacocks, to be honest with you in our whole neighborhood and everything and so.
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But after a while mom started getting really fed up with the, you know dad coming home on his bike at two or three in the morning and you know all that jazz.
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And when you have jobs and kids to raise, after a while it kind of gets old.
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And after multiple events and dad saying yes to not doing it, she finally had her last straw and said I, we need to separate, I have to figure your stuff out, et cetera.
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So at that point mom was working two jobs and going to school and raising three kids, while dad was about, I want to say about 30 to 45 minutes away in his apartment doing his thing, his work and whatever have you.
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So, um, and I think for me, cause, you know, everybody remembers their childhood differently, even though you're raised on the same house.
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Cause my sister actually mentioned that too.
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She's like why do we remember everything so differently?
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I go because I was four years older than you and everybody has yeah different personalities, whatever.
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So that's when a lot of things started changing for me, because dad wasn't always around.
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And then you know you have family friends coming in help raise the kids while mom's going to work overnight and all that.
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You know house cleaning ladies.
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You know her best friend's teaching her how to cook Like there's a whole village.
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Right.
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So, and then they were separated for about three years.
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They were separated for about three years and then, six months before dad moved back in, I want to say I mean the timeline could be completely off, but then dad had one of his friends move in to his garage because he didn't know where else to park his van, and that's where everything went.
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How so.
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Crazy.
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Well, he was a friend to everybody and dad trusted him, I trusted him, mom trusted him, whatever.
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And just one random day I go into the garage and he wanted to show me something in his van.
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And one thing leads to another and Insert taking advantage of a young girl that's not even in her teens yet.
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I may have been like 10 or 11, I don't know, so, um, we come from a large family, like I do like a large family Like my mom's the first of six, dad's the third of four, so when you're like the first granddaughter out of a total of 18 grandkids on my mom's side, so a very large family.
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And I was kind of shy when I was a kid.
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So when the separation happens and everything else, after a while you're just you feel like you're kind of floating, just kind of there.
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But then I honestly can't remember how many times it happened, but I just know that fast forward from things that happened in that dude's van to my dad randomly waking me up one day in the middle of the night in the room I was at mom's house, and he wakes me up and really quiet, and he was like you're not going to get in trouble, I just wanted to know.
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He asked the question and did anything happen between this person and whatever have you?
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And I was like didn't think anything of it, and I was like yeah, and and he just you know a little bit, slightly more detail.
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And then he's like okay, it's all I needed to know, not in trouble, just want to know the truth.
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And then I can just see the intensity of fire and fury in him, but love at the same time, and so after that was done I was like, okay, whatever, go back to bed.
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And after that Mom took me aside about I don't know how long after but she.
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I heard that, um, that it happened to a couple other of their friends' kids as well, so it wasn't just me, so nobody else in the family my, I think my sister was already there by then, so she didn't happen to her.
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Nobody else but me sister was already there by then, so she didn't happen to her, nobody else but me.
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So um came down to it.
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You know, they had the courts and I had to go up on there and do my testimony for the dude and the guy had a daughter and she did not know about any of this.
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And so when we were getting my testimony and my mom and dad were just sitting there just dumbfounded all the details, you know, and of course, and then, um, at the end of the whole thing, the daughter walked up to all of us and she says my father is dead.
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To me I can't believe he would ever do this to anybody.
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And so how many years later, you know, um, we started getting random phone calls and I know I was oblivious, you know, protection, protection of the kid.
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So later, like many, many years later, I found out that my sister told me she was like you do know that we changed our telephone number because he kept calling the house.
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He got out of jail and he kept calling the house and wanted to make things right and come over and come over.
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And I guess one of the things that my dad told me was you ever come here ever again.
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You're going to have a bullet in your head, dude.
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My dad, he's a veteran.
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He served in Germany for two years.
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We're raised in a southern household.
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Even though it's southern California, he's from Arkansas, so the man doesn't mess around, and our kitchen had a rifle cabinet.
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So I just remember having that phone call and hearing my dad say something going on.
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I was like what is going on?
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And they never told me.
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But I remember going down the hall and seeing my dad asked my brother to come in the room and he showed him how to load it Never showed him how to shoot it, just showed him how to load it if he needed to use it.
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And then he just sat on the tailgate of the truck and just sat there, just waited all day.
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It's like please come, please show up to our house.
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And that's the last we ever heard, I guess because changed the number and never knew why until my sister told me about five years after me moving here.
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So that experience really triggered something for you to take you down a dark path, uh, with this guy.
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I mean, how, how did that?
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well I know that.
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So, when it comes to all the um, this is my first time really totally speaking about it.
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Um, because I think there's something in this that, like you know, with parents raising children, when I tell people like people get molested to get raped probably more than we want to talk about it happens a lot, not because of people you don't know, it happens from the people you do know.
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Right People you're comfortable with Right right, and so talk to me about like trust issues.
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Talk to me about like all of that.
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How did that impact you, even with your relationship with your own family?
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It's really weird to say, but coming from a big family, I always felt like anytime I wanted to say something I was never heard because everything is so loud.
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And then when I finally was able to, um, get it out of my system and like I'm gonna have, I'm gonna be heard, so I'm gonna say it louder and louder, louder, louder, to the point where you're yelling Right.
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And then, like God, why are you yelling?
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I'm like because no one's listening to me.
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Yeah.
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To where.
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That's why I'm so loud today.
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Naturally is because it stems from never being heard when you're a kid.
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Oh, it's wild.
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It's wild to see how much your childhood affects who you are as an adult.
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And now you kind of just.
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I mean, I don't blame anybody but except for the evil that was in the dude.
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Yeah.
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You know, mom and dad, there's no blame on anybody Right?
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You know so.
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Because, it didn't just happen.
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once the guy groomed you made it out.
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He did it once, and then I was happened again by somebody else in the family a good couple years later.
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Oh, wow.
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That went at a family function and I came out and I said, hey, this is what happened.
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And everyone was like, oh, whatever, whatever.
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They just brushed it off like no one believed me.
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They thought I was just trying to ask for attention.
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And no one believed me Because it was the uncle that married my mom's sister.
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With a guy, the aunt, and no one believed me because it was the uncle that married my mom's sister.
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Huh, With a guy that married my aunt.
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So I mean not as intense, but still enough to where I'm like what is wrong with you?
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Yeah.
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And then, ever since then, I just I'm like, well, I guess whatever, and just get moving on, because no one wants to believe that it could happen in the family Just maybe a friend but not a family member, kind of thing.
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And again, I don't blame anybody for not hearing me that day, but at the same time, it's like you know, you go from not being heard to now that's all you do is talk loud to be heard and then all of a sudden your passion turns to why are you yelling?
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It's like I'm not.
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It's just me being me.
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It's just me being me because this is.
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Who I've become.
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Yeah, and then all of a sudden it's like, well, your passion turns to really loud and people think you're yelling at them.
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I was like I don't know what to tell you on that.
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I'm not going to, I'm not going to water down who I am as a whole.
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This is just who I am.
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I'm not going to quiet myself because someone can handle the passion behind who I become.
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And so what?
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Uh, okay, so talk to me.
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Your life took a turn toward partying and all that kind of thing.
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What happened?
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So, well, hold on.
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I have some questions before then.
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Well, first off, thank you for sharing.
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I'm sure that's not easy.
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I cannot understand how that must feel.
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But my question is when you said he was your dad's friend, but you used air quotes, what does that mean?
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Like he was just an acquaintance or what Well, I see that as a like.
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Obviously he's not a friend.
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Right, right, okay.
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And then when you said, you weren't heard, is there some reason you can think of of why your parents didn't?
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I think it's because so mom's in the go, go go.
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You know her mind isn't on what's going on in the kid's life, like in their personal lives.
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Her mind is on I have two jobs and full-time schooling.
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Because she was going to school to be a nurse.
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Right.
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And we were all kids when she graduated Right.
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So for her, her job as a mom and pretty much a full-time mom is get this done.
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Get this done make sure the kids are fed and it's not anything behind.
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That is not even a thing, and I can only imagine how it would be to raise three kids and do all of that.
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You know being home, not being home overnight Cause your labor, you're setting to be a nurse right all that jazz and like she's the strongest woman, I flip.
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No, so it's like I.
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It's almost like the wall.
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That barrier is like the only way I can describe it.
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Yeah, so I mean, I have no idea, you know what, how my siblings dealt with it.
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I just knew what I saw from my end.
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Okay, yeah, I can kind of relate just from like the emotional neglect piece, cause my parents were more the same as like provide materially and everything, but there is zero emotional connection in my family.
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So I know I know how that part goes.
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Dad.
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Dad has always been the emotional connection.
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That's why I'm daddy's little girl always that's good he's the one that I was on his lap, but there's pictures of us growing up and sitting on his lap and watching, like the three stooges, or old westerns or you name it.
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We had those connections that we grew up watching with him and or hey, I'm proud of you, like he always said, the things that every kid needs to have in their life.
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Well, mom was the cop good cop, bad cop, kind of thing, you know and she always hated that, but it's one of those.
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Hey, I'm going to be the disciplinary.
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Well, dad will be the comforter.
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That's literally how it always was.
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And mom didn't do the good job.
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She went.
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That's great.
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Even today, that's how she is.
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She doesn't say congratulations or good job on how far you've come.
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She's like oh, I like your car and great, cause it.
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She doesn't know how to come out and say those kind of things.
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Right.
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And I think that's just the way she was raised.
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Maybe I don't know, but that's all she knows how to do while taking care of the family, you know.
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And then this, the dad, you know, had this ability growing up.
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So, like he, something happened to him at work and he figure out how to take everything on, and dad's like well, your mom's the household leader.
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So it is what it is.
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And when she says, go ask her, ask her, ask her hey, kid, come here, give me a hug, let's cuddle together, let's go play whatever sports and outside in the pool, or we'll build you a fort and all that jazz.
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I mean he did all the great things.
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He just was passive.
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It was just mom, we've done the law.
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She did this.
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Her rules are this.
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You know, that's when.
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When he came back, I think you've seen the culture for Amanda, that kind of lead, and for a wife to follow.
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It's a super powerful dynamic and it does affect children in a huge way.
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All right, so then, when did you sort of like the rules are too much rebellion set in?
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When did that happen?
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Probably after high school.
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Yeah, definitely after high school, because it was, you know, when you're growing up on pharmaceuticals, because your adhd and dyslexia and I finally, um, my junior year of high school, I said I'm done, I can't do this anymore because, like paris didn't know it was wrong with me, I know I'm something's not right, she's not normal, you know, and so I I'm not focusing on all the things that they say that are bad.
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On the report card, you end up being the most successful one out of your whole family because you were the special needs.
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You know what I mean and I was the pinnacle of that, and so, and honestly, I think it's the pharmaceuticals that took me down the the really, really dark outside of the thing that happened.
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Right.
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Because, hey, as long as the report card is showing that I'm focusing and I'm doing this and I'm bringing in the grades, but yet my mentality, my mental state, is so far gone.
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Right.
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And the depression hits in and then not feeling welcome or not feeling heard, there's nothing at school.
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Oh just, I don't have time for dealing with this.
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Just figure it out.
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You know, like what my mom would say I was bullied.
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You know, you had the bullying and all this other stuff going on and you talk too fast, speech impediment, blah, blah, blah.
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So it's a whole, all these different things coming at you.
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You're this, you're that, you're this, you're not, you're not this, you're not this.
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And it's not seen from the parent's side until you come home crying going I'm bullying, I'm getting tired of this.
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She's like Lorianne, I can't, I don't have time to teach you how to stand up for yourself.
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I don't have time for this.
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Figure it out, get in there and stand up for yourself, cause if not, they're going to take you down.
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Learn how to stand up for yourself.
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It was a very tough love household which, let me be wrong, worked really, really great.
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And as I get older, I recognize what was said that I really took to heart at the same time, other things that should have never been said.
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Right, you don't walk around with a victim mentality.
00:19:20.926 --> 00:19:32.953
No, I honestly do have like an emotional vacuous hole that you're still trying to fill, apparently the things you don't realize until you realize yeah, no, but that's good, okay.
00:19:32.993 --> 00:19:34.844
So then when did the partying start?
00:19:34.844 --> 00:19:36.769
So you go for the party and then it's a.
00:19:36.769 --> 00:19:38.442
You're just looking to have fun, you get a couple drinks.
00:19:38.442 --> 00:19:39.163
What happens?
00:19:39.383 --> 00:19:58.872
it was, um, yeah, after high school I felt a relief Like I was free to find who I was, and I guess these people are actually honestly still.
00:19:58.872 --> 00:20:04.480
I consider family to this day, because we all went through our discoveries together.
00:20:04.902 --> 00:20:05.747
Right this day.
00:20:05.767 --> 00:20:07.537
Um, because we all went through our discoveries together, right but um.
00:20:07.537 --> 00:20:18.564
So there was a household, my dearest friends and her mom, and her mom has always wanted a bunch of kids in her house and she only had two right.
00:20:19.287 --> 00:20:26.369
So we, a lot of us, end up finding who we were and discovering about ourselves in that house, like with parties and stuff.
00:20:26.369 --> 00:20:31.531
So we would go to her house and just have a great time.
00:20:31.531 --> 00:20:33.405
All the keys are in the bowl.
00:20:33.405 --> 00:20:34.067
She would lock them up.
00:20:34.067 --> 00:20:37.987
Drink whatever you want to drink, I really don't care, just don't do anything stupid.
00:20:37.987 --> 00:20:39.425
I had the keys so no one can leave the house.
00:20:40.539 --> 00:20:48.471
But I mean, that wasn't the first initial thing, but it started introducing me to alcohol.
00:20:48.471 --> 00:20:58.865
I smoked pot like four times in my life, so to me that was the drug.
00:20:58.865 --> 00:21:10.906
I'm going to figure out who I am through this here and where can I be accepted?
00:21:10.906 --> 00:21:19.039
Um, and then, outside of that, then it was okay.
00:21:19.039 --> 00:21:25.622
So now I'm going to find there's this random door to door job that I found that, um, you know hell, you know you're going to sell this, you're going to sell that.
00:21:25.622 --> 00:21:28.313
You're going to find there's this random door-to-door job that I found that, um, you know hell, you know you're going to sell this, you're going to sell that, you're going to sell this.
00:21:28.313 --> 00:21:32.185
And then your lunch breaks ended up being at strip bars and good steaks and all that jazz.
00:21:32.185 --> 00:21:45.895
So, um, that's when I started seeing all of that sort of stuff so it's strip clubs strip clubs um drag shows, the whole, all that you know.
00:21:45.977 --> 00:21:47.324
you know right and you get your license at.
