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282: Pastor Plek is joined this week by Machine Gun Nick and Adrienne Plekenpol to recap last Sunday's sermon. They tackle tough subjects about the complexities of leadership and serving the marginalized. Together they grapple with the nuances of legal immigration, the labor pains of cultural integration, and the urgent need to conquer xenophobia and racism with empathy and lawful conduct.
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00:05 - God's Justice and Societal Fabric
11:12 - Fatherless Girls
15:51 - Caring for the Poor and Marginalized
27:07 - Navigating Relationships and Selflessness
33:00 - Dealing With Disrespect and Resilience
38:17 - Jesus and Judas
And welcome back to Pastor Plex podcast. I am your host, pastor Plex, and I'm super excited about another show. We're going to recap sermon from Sunday and join us in studio days. Another other than machine gun Nick Welcome back, machine gun Nick, hello. And then also in studio is another than Cody Sparks from the Cody Sparks band. Cody, uh, how are you feeling today? Uh, over there from the Cody Sparks band, it was million dollars, million bucks, and then also a really, really, really special guest it's Valentine's Day. So welcome my wife, adrian Plecampole. We're live right now.
Speaker 2:So I said I had all your fans Hi, hi fans oh boy which was great, okay, all right.
Speaker 4:So from the word woman, who's always full of words. Yeah, yeah, yeah, how'd that happen, all right.
Speaker 1:So this past Sunday we talked about leaders and the wicked within the pyramid of God's fabric of society, starting with the Mago day, the family, the community, the marginalized leaders, wicked and then remembering God at the top. And, uh, one of the things that I had said is that to to really connect with and identify with uh, the marginalized uh is where we went from this past Sunday is that you had to identify, um, with people who are maybe not where you're at. So the migrant you've not, you might never, never have been a migrant. The poor person you might never, never been a poor person or the orphan or the widow, but God calls us individually to identify with them and then minister to them. And so the what I said is like the probably the easiest people for me to minister to are is the military community, Cause I was military community, you are military community, you're one of the people I minister to and you came to faith in Christ. Uh, through the ministry here, and I think primarily because it's an easy thing to relate to, cause we can tell stories about war stories, stuff blowing up, people dying, blood all over the place, and it's not a point of like horror and, oh my gosh, that's scary. It's like, oh yeah, ha, ha, me too. And so, uh, that was a way to identify with you. Yes, definitely. So, then, when we talk about the migrant, the orphan, the widow and, uh, the poor, there should be a way for us to identify, even if we've never lived that life. And that's where we got to with the scripture, uh, that we went through an exis chapter, uh 22, where Moses wrote, or God you know, through Moses wrote, you shall not wrong a sojourner or oppress him, for you were sojourners in the land of Egypt. Now, first off, machine gun neck. Have you ever used the word sojourner in a sense?
Speaker 2:Yes, really yes. And well, that was because I was a Mason and there is an actual uh sect of the mason's called sojourners and you have to then like a soldier serving in their armed forces to become one. So I guess I've heard that.
Speaker 1:Oh, wow, that's wild. Okay, adrian, have you ever heard the term sojourner before?
Speaker 3:I've heard it but does that I don't use it. Yeah, you don't use it. It's not a right to have a vocabulary word. Yeah.
Speaker 1:It's a. It's a temporary resident, someone who lives at a particular place for a prolonged period or who was born somewhere else but always thinks of home is not where they're at. So that's really what a sojourner is, and so the way that you treat sojourners is indicative of your culture. But to do that, you had to identify with the sojourners, even though they never actually like. The people that are reading this a generation later didn't actually know what it was like to be a sojourner, because they were at their new home. They'd always, they always lived in Israel. They got it. But you were supposed to treat those who are different from you equal to as a like, treat them as like your neighbor, in fact. Um, you should treat the stranger who sojourns with you as the native among you, and you shall love him as yourself. That was the command from God, which this should get at right at xenophobia. This should get at racism. This should get all the things like if someone's willing to live according to the law, then you treat him like he is one of you. Does that, does that resonate with you guys, or is that? Is that feel weird in any strange way? Or? anything like that, Adrian.
Speaker 3:I think that's great. I wish that we like. I think that's a great way to live and I think we are all about that as a country. It's just most people aren't willing to live by the law and we're still expected to be really accommodating.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 3:I think that's much harder. So when I heard your sermon on Sunday I thought, wow, what didn't that be great If sojourners came and, invited by the law and like even we're respectful of an existing culture and just norms, like if, if that was the attitude of like we're coming into your country, I mean that's how we are expected to behave when we leave America. But coming into America that's not. That's not the attitude, and so I like that. I think that's great. I think our, our culture in the US has gotten totally away from that.
Speaker 2:Right, it's yeah, I would say it totally is different. Well, I think that begins with legal immigration versus just open the border and let anybody walk.
Speaker 1:Right, and I don't think, technically, anybody's actually for opening the border, although that's kind of what has happened. It's great a problem for both. Both sides of the aisle Republicans and Democrats are thinking this is not good. It's just that nobody has a solution that they'll agree to, and so therefore, we just let it be open, and that's that can be frustrating, but that becomes a problem is cause then you, you'd have people that are not willing to abide by the law, uh, who then aren't willing to assimilate, and so therefore it creates a rift in the fabric of society, and that's where the, the king or the government was supposed to bear the sword and have borders and have uh reality for what. I think this is not a border free policy. That uh that they're opting for. This is peep. They. They wanted the country open for immigration, but you had to be able to assimilate to the law of the land. Now, when they you know to be fair, when, when Israel came into the land, they were called to wipe out those who had other gods and uh, who were in the land, and that was God's providential will uh for them, and he was really clear that you should make sure that no one remains because they will influence you to worship other gods, which ultimately happened. And then they were exiled, uh, and then, and you know, the kingdom will end up becoming divided over that. And then they got the Judah got exiled and brought we brought back. Thank God for Jesus, he comes back and saves a day. But the whole premises in a culture and society, if someone's willing to live with you according to your law, you should be accepted, uh, accepting of them and treat them as yourself, all right. The next one was you should not mistreat a widow or a fatherless child, and if you do mistreat them, they will cry out to me and I will surely hear the cry and my wrath will burn. And then, uh, the part that I don't want to say made me giggle because it's it's not funny, but I was like this is such an extreme stance, I will kill you. Like, if you mistreat the widow of the orphan, I will take a sword and kill you and your wives shall become widows and your children your fathers, and nothing helps you relate to the widow or the orphan like having your own children and wife becoming widows and orphans, as like that. So any thoughts on that from you guys, I mean?
Speaker 3:it's kind of nice that God is super extreme and clear.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:There's not a lot of interpretation on that one. But I also think you know one thing I think with God's justice I don't know if that's, if this is really what that is yeah, that's God's justice. But when I think of, I mean I really believe this, like in my life, among my friendships. I really believe that if you come down, if you become very judgmental of somebody for something, it's probably a matter of time before God's going to have you walk through a very similar, if not same, situation and get to face the consequence of your judgment. I think it's one thing to like observe.
Speaker 1:I think that what you're looking at the Bible versus thing. However you measure it to somebody else, it'll be measured to you.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but I'm not thinking of a Bible verse.
Speaker 1:I'm thinking about my life.
Speaker 3:I'm thinking about my life Like I'm like anytime there's been a mom like we all see mom struggle in the general public and there's most of the time I'm like, oh man, that's hard. Or oh man, I've been there. Or oh gosh.
Speaker 1:There was a time when you did judge, though.
Speaker 3:Oh for sure, and everything that I for sure have ever like harshly judged. I've been in and like and I there's been situations that have happened to us where I've had friends kind of be silent and then they walk through the exact same thing and I'm like I can't help but think that when we have a pretty firm judgment on something like I had this one friend, her van was like this is just petty, but her van was always like real filthy.
Speaker 1:With stickers.
Speaker 3:I knew it was just gross. They didn't take like it was just really gross. And there was this day where they had a bad smell and they couldn't figure out where it was. And she spent forever trying to figure out where the smell was. And, like she, you know, you vacuum the whole thing, you wash the whole thing, you can't find the smell. And I just remember being like so critical that you could ever reach a point. And then, lo and behold, there I am. We had like a piece of a little sliver of a marinated chicken from McDonald's, like it was a salad that you had had fallen in a crack. It was your fault, it just falls out of his mouth A little sliver and because it was it like started to grow back to it and the whole band stuck and it was stuck between the cracks in the van and it took me. It took me a while and anyway. So it's like I, things like that. It's like little things. I feel like God has me walk through them. So to me, this extreme example of not loving the widow and the orphan I'm like. God does, I think, often have us like when we wrong somebody or when our judgment gets really harsh against somebody. I often think part of his love for us is to then allow us to experience it and realize that we're not really better than we think that we are.
Speaker 1:One of the things that's coming up this weekend is the daddy daughter dance Cause we're live, so I want to make sure that you have the opportunity to invite people to your plug. But this is an opportunity for us to serve those who are like don't have dads, and so talk a little bit about that.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So my heart behind this like primarily is to give dads a chance to come and have fun with their girls in a way that like gets to really capitalize on, like the femininity of a little girl and the desire to get dressed up and to go out and be with her dad, and the masculinity, then contrasting, of a dad kind of taking her out and like getting dressed up and being her date to this thing. So my desire is to kind of model this honor of the little girls but also the contrasting masculinity, like have both things kind of merge. But in doing so, there's this huge opportunity for little girls that don't have dads, and as a church, our job is to stand in the gap in these situations. And so not only are we like not not ignoring these people in society, but we're wanting to do more than that. We're wanting to love them, we're wanting to help stand in the place of a father who's not present for whatever reason, whether he's out of town or whether he's just genuinely just out of their lives. And so what's cool is we have a few signups this year of men who are in relationship with girls that don't have fathers, that are getting to kind of stand in the gap there and it can be kind of weird, like some people are like oh, that's totally creepy, I'm like you could be creepy it's having a man take a little girl. I mean generally speaking, you don't put men and little girls together in our culture because, we've seen go horribly wrong. So it's been a little tricky to advertise but we have like. Last year we had a man in our children's ministry who had a little girl in his class that was fatherless and they had the best time together coming to this thing.
Speaker 1:And so.
Speaker 3:I'm like you're getting an opportunity to take a teenager in our neighborhood, and so there's actually two teenagers that a lady came to church.
Speaker 1:for some says twin girls or 16. One of them is pregnant and her dad's the dad was completely out of the picture Because of this dance. The dad's coming back into the picture to take these two 16 year olds to the dance, which I thought was just awesome and so, like what you're providing is an opportunity to reconnect. Even some fathers have been checked out and bringing them back in. So man, way to go on such an incredible man. I can't wait to see this whole place. Over a hundred people signed up right now.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think we have like 110. It keeps coming in, but machine gun.
Speaker 1:Nick, you want to come to this.
Speaker 3:No he's gonna help probably.
Speaker 1:He's gonna help tear down.
Speaker 3:He's a good worker. So here's the thing is high school girls are kind of over it, but some are not over it. Some are able, some are coming, but for the most part high school girls are not really enjoying the vibe. Because what we do try to do is help dads come who don't really feel comfortable dancing, because most dudes don't really feel super thrilled about it. So we do the limbo. We're hopefully going to have a hula hoop contest, if we can locate our hula hoops, and we're going to have a parachute and we have all sorts of fun things planned to help break up the like actual dancing, since that feels a little bit not fun for some dads.
Speaker 4:Yeah, very true. Yeah, and DJ lighting services provided by Dr J Love. It's not a DJ name.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I like it. You get paid by peanut brown jelly sandwiches.
Speaker 4:I know people probably think that's a little bit weird, but you know that's how we're serving.
Speaker 2:That explains the box P P&Js. I saw, yeah, that's how it happens.
Speaker 4:It's good, it's gonna be great.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what about?
Speaker 4:the dads who hold on a quick question about it. So a lot of dads don't dance. Why do you think that is yeah? Why?
Speaker 3:Well, Cody, you would have more insight.
Speaker 4:I personally don't dance because I'm a phenomenal dancer and I like to show off a lot, so I just choose to sit back and watch.
Speaker 3:I think that's how a lot of dads feel about it, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I like to show off and just I don't know.
Speaker 4:Yeah, you do. You just out there spinning.
Speaker 1:I can't wait to spin a piper. I'll just let her go boom.
Speaker 3:She might get sick, but she won't get sick, she can handle it All right, good yeah.
Speaker 1:She's, we're going to have to put her athleticism to the test and about 50th spin. Okay, let's talk real quick then about the last one was the poor. Don't lend to the poor and charge interest. That was sort of this last part. And then God ends this one, Don't do it. And if he cries out to me, the poor person, I will hear from compassionate, which is sort of like the threat he doesn't have necessarily say like I will come and kill you with a sword, make you poor. But he just enough of like I'm going to hear and I'm compassionate and you don't want to mess with me. Have you ever had to say that as a parent? as a parent Like the threat is I'm going to find out. Oh yeah, so here's God taking the I'm going to find out factor, and that should be enough deterrent for you to make sure you treat the poor properly. And then the other part of that which I jumped to, which was with Jesus, you know, because there's the tension of helping the poor and like what if you, you, you and your help of the poor, you help too much and then you end up hurting?
Speaker 4:the person yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so like you know the person that's under 35 and they're a crack addict and you give them more money for crack, you're, you're probably, you know, giving them a shorter length of time to their death. But Jesus said in Matthew 25, he compare, he identifies with a poor person and then says the way that you treat a poor person is the way that you treat me, which is sort of wow. He says before I was hungry and you gave me food to drink. I was thirsty, you gave me water to drink, or give me food to eat, water to drink. I was a stranger. You welcome me. I was naked and you clothed me. I was sick and you visited me and everyone's like when do we do that? And Jesus like as much as much as you do this, to least these you did to me. And then the flip side, then it's say other guys depart from you, cursed into the eternal fire, prepared for the devil and his angels. This is again big threats for mistreating the poor. But I was hungry, you gave me no food, I was thirsty, you gave me no drink, I was, etc. Etc. You didn't help. And then they're going to say when did we not help you out? If he would have seen you, we'd have been hooked, we'd have hooked you up and Jesus goes, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me and these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life. Cody, how did you grow up with? Like were these verses? it's because you're a pastor's kid were these verses like sort of I don't know if they were like put up in fear, but like did you guys abide by that, like kind of helping out the poor?
Speaker 4:Yeah, because there was people that cut well, like kind of like you too. All the time there's somebody coming over or somebody being at our house, or my parents helping somebody out, and there's always transit people that are, because my parents church is on the corner of like major highway, yeah, so you have people coming in there all the time asking for food, money and it's. It's got to a point to where you have to be very like lies about this. You can't just be handing out cash. You can't so my dad usually be like well, I'll take you next door to the gas station and fill you up, or I'll send you to the Panhandle Crisis Center, or we'll take you, but they always make sure that they do something right instead of leaving people just out to dry. Yeah, yeah, that's for sure.
Speaker 1:I think, adrian, when you read these verses, how does that make? How does that? Does that harden your heart, soften your heart? Does that make you go? Oh, he couldn't have really meant that. Where do you go with that when you talk about, like, as you do, the least you do?
Speaker 3:me.
Speaker 1:Like straight talk here.
Speaker 3:So here's the thing Do share. I don't choose to view it as all the things I could be doing, but instead of how I am doing so for me as a mom, I'm like, okay, this is. I feel like God's made it very clear that I'm to care for my children, but I don't really like that a lot of the time, but I think it's, and sometimes I feel like it's fine for me not to like it, like who cares what, but it matters and it is part of what God has asked me to do, and so when I'm caring, I would consider my children least of these for sure. And so I like when I hear that verse, I am more focused on the things I'm doing for the people that aren't able to like pay me back.
Speaker 1:And when it comes to helping people that are like Because you might get someone saying you're punting on these least of these, but you would say, no, I'm actually. There are some least of these that are in my own house.
Speaker 3:Absolutely not so. So this will all get me fired up.
Speaker 1:Oh good, don't let it get fired up. So here we go.
Speaker 3:I think there's a lot of Christians like helping the poor is kind of attractive. Like, like it's, there's a lot of like yeah, it's like you're a social justice person and you're it's like there's some gold star that you get if you're doing a lot of this external ministry to poor people or to underprivileged people. But then I'm like, and I don't really care what you're doing there if your own home isn't being cared for yeah, talk about that.
Speaker 1:So what you're saying is I think sometimes people abandon their own home.
Speaker 3:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:To support people they have no baggage with.
Speaker 3:Cause it's way you get it a dopamine brush. When you go help a poor person, you hand them a bag and whether they throw it back at you or not, you're like man. I got involved with the homeless and like I mean I've had times before I bought. There used to be there's this family on the street corner by Walmart and they've been there for like five years, but the first year they were there I thought they were legit and so I bought them apples, I bought them food and I gave them to them and I felt like real good. After I thought, man, I really feel like I was, god used me and I was really loving these people. And I think I was. I think I was being obedient to a Holy Spirit prompting. But then I'm like, but I think what happens a lot is people. You get a plus for that, you get a scene for that, you get a feel good for that, but then there ain't no gratification when I make my kids dinner and everybody I mean that is miserable it is, it is work to make the food, it's miserable sharing it with them and then it is miserable cleaning up after it. I mean, it's not one part of it makes me feel good. I don't feel satisfaction, I don't feel like nothing, but I feel like I'm like okay, I'm not serving the least of these for them. I'm doing this for the Lord. So I don't feel but hurt either. When my kids are whining about my dinner, I don't care that they're whining about my dinner because I didn't make this dinner for them. Quite frankly, I made out of obedience to this need of caring for them and loving them.
Speaker 1:So how do we help? Because I think what we run into is exactly what your point Like you have a family that you're caring for and somebody's gotta help out the poor. How's the church gonna mobilize to do that and what would you tell that person?
Speaker 3:So I think that I think I care right, like with our kids. There's God provides opportunities at times and there are times where there is somebody in our path in our life that it's easy to say, hey, we're gonna give this money, or we're gonna give this food, or we're gonna we've bought Christmas for families in the past. Like, there's always opportunities presented where we're able to help somebody out, and so I'm always trying to bring my kids along in communication.
Speaker 1:When it was. I remember one time that you took the kids to an apartment for a benevolence thing Do you remember?
Speaker 3:this I've done a couple, and one of them yeah, it was there was a need for a Spanish speaker to go in and talk to a family that needed benevolence, and so I was like, well, I'm not doing it without bringing my kids in. It was a super sketchy area and there was a lot of feedback of whether or not that was safe, but I was like I don't super care about that, I need my kids to come with me and see this and see the home and what did-?
Speaker 1:Yeah, tell me the whole story.
Speaker 3:What they saw was super fascinating. So the apartment was rough and the area was. It was very sketchy getting there. I was, like, legitimately scared at one of the streets that we drove through. But then we get to the complex and it was a pretty much like all Spanish speaking complex. Like all the signage was in Spanish and so I was reading it to the kids and, of course, like one of my sons forgot shoes, so we're walking up barefoot like oh well, so you just kind of we just joined right in. So we get out to this apartment and I have explained to the boys that this mom doesn't have money for rent and that they'll be evicted if we can't help them. And I talked to the kids about the school down the road where the kids are going to school, but this was in the middle of COVID, where kids were not in school. So I was explaining that and I was explaining how these children are usually able to be fed at school when we walk in the house. And they had like red soda and Doritos, which is Austin's favorite foods on the table. And then they had a kid, had his own phone and a switch that was just sitting there. He was on the phone with the switch, was sitting on the couch and we left and my son, my oldest son, austin, at the time, was just like mom, I thought you said they were poor. He has the kid as a phone and I'm like well, yep, and then he goes and they're eating Doritos. Like what's your problem?
Speaker 1:Like- why don't we have Doritos?
Speaker 3:Like, why don't we have Doritos in red soda? And so I had to have this whole conversation about how like this looks like what you're wanting, but this isn't actually the most loving and best environment for any child or yourself, and we had a great conversation, but I think so I think bringing kids into loving the least of these, but I also think it's important to be loving them and I think having the discipline to give to something like a benevolence ministry is great.
Speaker 1:Let's talk about that real quickly, Cause you know Zach and Devin at our church have been ministry. Talk about that a little bit.
Speaker 3:So I like I think what they're doing is so. The questions I would always have when giving to somebody, like on the street, is there's so many like you're not getting a story that's accurate, like you're just not even if the person the person probably is really in need, but the stories probably lie. And so going through somebody, like a benevolence program, you have people asking questions, looking at bank accounts, following up, offering accountability and not providing repeat Hail Mary requests. It's like we're here to like actually help you. We're not here just to like bail you out and not give, not help you get back on your feet. And so giving to an organization like that is so helpful. And again, I have had my kids at times empty out their piggy banks to bring money specifically for our benevolence, separate from our church giving, and so trying to bring them. I think I think it's super valuable. I just think that, as a mom specifically, if you aren't really caring for your own kids and you're not really modeling for them and bringing them along in the effort to the least of these, but you're running around loving the least of these instead, then I'm like man to me. That's a like shame on you. That's a like God, to me, has discipline coming for you, for that. You're essentially offering your children for the sake of others, and that's like this is put on your own oxygen mask first, I feel so strongly about and I feel like our Christian culture doesn't do a very good job red flagging that always.
Speaker 1:How have you seen that?
Speaker 3:I think that we.
Speaker 1:One of the things you said in the original if gatherings, I think you kind of got fired up a long time ago.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but yeah, like I think as Christian culture, we tend to like it's very sexy to like I'm going to the foreign country and I'm selling jewelry that was made in a form. I'm like, talk to me about what, what you're doing at home and I don't. I'm not here to say like I'm doing a lot at home. I'm in a season where I'm like, man, I'm doing really great to have dinner on the table. We're not doing a bunch of devotionals, we're not. So I'm not over here acting like I'm that I have like this figured out, but I feel so strongly that the primary place. Yes, the primary place for for that is in the home, and if you can bring your kids alongside or if your husband is like thrilled to take them while you go off and do a different endeavor, that's probably great. But to me it's just never like. I think that there's a lot of encouragement to women to like separate and like this is your chance and you need some space. And you know I'm like, OK, that space and time is coming in, probably 10 to 15 years, and to me, over glorifying the outreach when you have a home and a family, I have a huge issue with that and I think it's. I think among women it's it's a big topic. So those are my thoughts.
Speaker 2:Wow, that was. That was about just among society. Now you have people on like social media like hey look, I just gave this to the, the homeless person. Look at me, Aren't I so good? Look at me. And sometimes I don't think they're doing that.
Speaker 4:Some people are doing that to say look at me, right, but I think there are a lot of people that video stuff for maybe support. Like if you're into missions or you're under this, you have to, you have to put yourself out there and say this is what we do. This is a result of that.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Right, that makes sense and that does Right. I think it's like I love watching the videos where you, you know the guy gives like five thousand dollars randomly, somebody and you're like they got person starts crying.
Speaker 4:I love those, I mean, I can watch the whole day. I agree a little bit on that, because there are people out there that do that, just yeah.
Speaker 1:So so I do love is our Pinellas program where you know our church is giving over 40 grand this year to give away and Zach has the job of meeting with people to give it away and whatnot.
Speaker 3:So it's kind of exciting thing, well but going back to what Nick said I think Chris sort of hit on this on the sermon on Sunday. I feel, like what you you suggested, that the only people that are able to give from a place of like genuine, sacrificial, empathetic love are Christians.
Speaker 1:Right, you did. You did suggest that, right Apart from the Holy Spirit, you can't give generously and genuinely without some sort of like. I need to get it.
Speaker 3:What's in it for me?
Speaker 2:Yeah, or I'm going to get something out of this.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 2:Regardless of what that is.
Speaker 3:Like there's a our, our signature is selfishly motivated in all we do, including helping people. So without the Holy Spirit? Yes, I think it's the same, and I just think it's. I think that's true for everybody, for sure it's not just moms.
Speaker 1:So you have to go now.
Speaker 3:No, I feel bad. Now God's going to, I'm going to like be wrecked with conviction over and out.
Speaker 4:Oh nice, so we talk about things. Yeah, yeah so how so?
Speaker 1:machine on Nick, how are you being intentional right now with the vulnerable and that might be just with your kids right now? What? Those are the kids at home with your ex-wife. How is that? Has that been challenged for you to kind of be there for them?
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Why is?
Speaker 2:that Me and my ex didn't really. I mean, it was definitely a turbulent relationship and there might be some residual. There is what I'm thinking, because I mean at first, after the divorce, I kind of just looked at it like business. Right, you go in and you're going into a business, business meeting. It doesn't matter what you feel, we're not here for feelings, we're here for the kids. All right, try to be there for them. And I guess I'm really either. Changes have been made. I don't know. I feel like the past, the past there's you now have emotions. Yeah, there's, there's no use living in in in the past, so who cares? Like, whatever happened to happen got it. Nobody was great. So now I'm just like I go in there and I'm like, all right, right, you know, like I'm not, I don't want to feel angst toward the ex anymore Like why, that's just stupid. We have kids together and we need to, like raise them. And oh, by the way, like my son actually like needs me around right now. He's, he's nine, he doesn't just need mom anymore, and so like, and he said certain things like that. And so I'm like, yeah, this is great. But Sometimes my ex, just the way she says something like right, or or the kind of demands that she'll, she'll make, and I'm like, no, and and but it will take me back down this like roller coaster of you know back when, and then like and and it, like I'm going to, drags me across some things that I I'm like I'm over this, but we're not today, and it's like, oh boy, here we go. And so it's just thinking like a roller coaster ride of trying to negotiate that with whatever the residual is on on her side of things.
Speaker 1:Cody, what do you think? What should, what should you?
Speaker 4:do there? Look at yourself first and your attitude, because you're you're, you're you're you're anger, you're angry man, angry man. I have the same issues sometimes and I've told you that. But especially if you're telling her that you're a changed person and you want to show them that you're a changed person, then be that. She's not the changed person. Yeah, you are. So she's not going to be different. You have to be different. Your reactions have to be different than what she's giving you, because that's not going to change. She's still going to be the be and you just have to take it.
Speaker 1:Unfortunately, yeah, how does that make you feel a bummer?
Speaker 2:How's that? Maybe? I don't like it.
Speaker 1:I'm tell Adrian what happened. I think Adrian could speak into it.
Speaker 2:Which part.
Speaker 1:The doesn't matter, just tell one part of the story.
Speaker 2:I'll try to think OK, so, so let's just say OK, so I was, you know, sunday, it was just me and my son at her house, not at mine. We're just playing around. Well, I still have my smokers cough, right, apparently, that they might not, that might take a year to go away. Um, so then, like Monday, she's like you got, you got you know, brody Sick, and I'm like you don't even know that, and I think that was kind of like the driving point that just like Kind of pushed me over the edge, was like this and it's none of that's ever, it's always been like that, right, if I have a cough or something, I'm getting everybody sick, like and she knows who gets people sick, which is kind of crazy.
Speaker 3:I have those people in my family too. They're very, they're very enjoyable. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:So I mean just that kind of that kind of quality of like and you know, and you're just like and, as as Cody said, like I was mad of two weeks over that.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, four weeks of just ticked off mad. I'm like dude, just kill with kindness. Hey, I'm sorry that you feel that way. I personally don't feel sick and I don't think I am, but I mean I'm. I can say okay, I'm sorry that I coughed around you.
Speaker 3:So what I would say listen, cody's right, but you can't, you're not. No person can be capable of that without dealing with, like, really spending time to consider, like, why is it that it made you so angry? And probably my guess is there's a lack of respect. That is happening there and that. And to me, when I hear, when I am Especially if I know I'm not sick and I'm accused of making somebody sick, I'm like, okay, well, there's a lack of respect. A and then B, you're wrong, you're come, you're, you're black and white wrong. But yet You're not gonna be convinced that you're wrong. And when I'm wrong, I admit it and I apologize. And when I'm not wrong, I still have to take the blame for something where you're wrong and and that for me, can be like that that can make you so angry. But it's like you have to get to a place where you can just let it go like and honestly, there's certain people in my life where I I can't do that. I struggled to, I struggle and I have to go exercise, I have to pray, I have to ask God to change my attitude and change my heart and and I struggled the whole time. But there's a lot of copi mechanisms I think are healthy, that I've engaging in to help Help be able to let go of that more, but I think that to me in an ex-wife relationship I can't like. I don't think it's gonna get much harder than that.
Speaker 1:Yeah that's why divorce stinks is that you. It's not like you end the relationship and you never have to deal with them again. That's death, which I'm not advocating murder but it's like death. Death is, in a sense, easier, it's a clean cut.
Speaker 3:Divorce is a jagged tear where you're always having to go back and one thing I think helps me, like in this process of coping is like Even just saying because it's saying the words like man, I feel so disrespected that you think that I am making him sick and I'm sorry that you feel that way. I feel super disrespected that you're telling me that and just saying that in a in a non, you know, accusatory, not angry way.
Speaker 1:Not escalated because.
Speaker 3:I think for me, yeah, escalation, that's the word, non-esca, yeah, but I think that If I don't say anything and I just absorb it, absorb it, absorb it, like my anger gets so bad that I'm just like I wish the person would just be dead or I wish I could, like I just could run away, like I it's, like I can't process, like I just need this to completely end anyway. So I think that part of my solution in my life has been being the freedom to own how I feel to the person that is Causing it, knowing that they're not gonna say anything that makes it better, but just feeling, but having the freedom to just at least inform them like hmm, I feel super disrespected that you are telling me that and move on, and that'll help. I think that will help.
Speaker 2:Hmm, wow, you might have to try that. That and I joined the gym with a punching bag.
Speaker 3:There you go.
Speaker 2:That's where you go.
Speaker 4:That's what I was saying when you, when you're with her, be patient and kind of like she was saying, do the things that you need to say and then go hit the back, but then don't do it in front of your kids, don't do it angrily and be the better person.
Speaker 1:You have to be the bigger person right and we all have to do that right and you have to do that. Only one, empowered by the Holy Spirit, trusting Jesus, is the one that sees Whatever wronged you're being, it's being done to you. He's either allowing it to happen to grow you Hmm, to give you wisdom, to build resilience to do. There's a lot of reasons why you're enduring we got resilience.
Speaker 2:All right, we check that block a few times.
Speaker 1:I think, yeah, so you haven't read, you haven't had resilience to the point of death, right? So like that's the part where you're still here and so now Enduring like Jesus on the cross, dying. I think that's why, every time, when you go back to how much do I have to endure? Well, jesus had to experience hell also, resilience is very different.
Speaker 3:Okay, resilience where you can just take a bunch of hard, that's very different than resilience of like, of like what you're talking about, disrespect. Resilience of Patronite, like. Okay, this is gonna be so hyper spiritual, I recognize, but in my quiet I have. I've been in Matthew for my quiet times this week and there there was a whole verse two days ago on like the crucifixion and I was sitting there thinking about how, like the insults that they hurled at Jesus, like these people are telling him they're mocking him for being Lord and they're wrong. They're so wrong that they're gonna burn and hell the rest of their life for how wrong they are. But yet Jesus, just like.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so to me, that's a resilience that's far different from the resilience that you've built over time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, too, I love this one. Remember Jesus washed Judas's feet and then sent him to hell the next day. He washes his feet on a Thursday, jesus, and then dies on Jesus, and then it dies on a Friday. Judas goes and hangs himself, I think by Saturday, and so Jesus washes his feet, loves him and then he kills himself. And then Jesus is eternally punishing him as a son of perdition in hell. And so right now, to be Jesus to your wife doesn't mean to excuse her for all the wrong ex-wife. Sorry for your ex-wife, but that what it does mean is that Jesus is gonna judge. Remember he says I will not acquit the wicked.
Speaker 3:I have to peace out Valentine parties.
Speaker 1:All right, thanks, adrian. Well, thanks, machine gun next and thanks everybody for watching. Have you got any questions? You, texas in at 737 231 0605?. I'm so glad all of you have joined us and thank you a special guest there, adrian plucking pull for joining us, because that was Always more than you bargained for. Hey, listen, thanks for watching and from our house to yours have an awesome week of worship.
