Nov. 12, 2024

Faith and Feminism

Faith and Feminism

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330: Are traditional gender roles in Christianity more than just outdated relics of the past? Join Pastor Plek, Pastor Holland, Cody Sparks, and Adrienne as they navigate the intricate landscape of gender roles and feminism through the lens of Christianity. From the influence of second-wave feminism to the nuanced interpretation of biblical teachings, their discussion unravels the complexities surrounding the roles of men and women in the church, home, and society. Adrienne offers a compelling take on why some biblical instructions are adhered to while others are reconsidered, challenging us to examine the weight of cultural context and theological reasoning.

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Chapters

00:05 - Gender Roles and Feminism in Christianity

09:46 - Evolving Gender Roles in Christianity

18:00 - Gender Roles and Sanctification in Christianity

25:08 - Gender Roles and Leadership in Marriage

36:32 - Rejecting God's Order and Gender Roles

42:34 - Service and Leadership in Marriage

49:39 - Leadership and Purpose in Marriage

54:03 - Gender Roles in Country Music

57:48 - Podcast Appreciation and Community Outreach

Transcript
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In studio with none other than Pastor Holland Gregg from Eastside Community Church, one of our favorite people on the planet.

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Hello.

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And also from the Cody Sparks Band.

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Mr Cody Sparks, welcome back, cody, still here.

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And then Adrian Plunkapole, my sweet, very caring, caring and very submissive wife, is also here today.

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Thank you, adrian, for joining us.

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All right, and we're talking about an issue that has been near and dear to Adrian's heart.

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Let's talk about it.

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What's that issue, adrian?

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Oh, it's not near and dear to my heart.

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Oh, it's just been up on your.

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It's just been up on our radar recently because we've had some people asking questions and you know, sometimes people assume that I have knowledge because I'm married to you, but that's usually a false assumption.

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Oh, okay.

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What was the question?

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Women have a role within the church and within their marriages.

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That is, to be submissive and to be, you know, followers of the male headship like.

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Why do we?

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It's like there's a lot of other things that the bible says that we don't take literally.

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Why do we take that literally?

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And we should just read the bible for ourselves and discover for ourselves what it really says and to which I have responded with.

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I feel like the bible is pretty clear and the areas where the Bible does have cultural comments that are not relevant to the times of today, there's a very clear explanation as to why we are not currently following those things.

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It's not that we just pick and choose what we follow.

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It's that we actually like.

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There's very legitimate theological explanation as to why we have ditched some things, Like, for example, we are not requiring that women wear head coverings at church and we've ditched that one and we feel okay with that.

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And it's not because we've just picked and chosen, it's because we have theological understanding.

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So that has been the head covering one.

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I thought it was great when we preached through first Corinthians 11 forever ago.

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We talked about like anytime a Jewish person would pray, they would put a hat on, and so it couldn't have been, unless there was an explicit thing about that.

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Beyond that, that's not what it meant.

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It said don't wear women's head coverings when praying.

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In other words, men don't dress like women.

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Women don't dress like men.

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Words men don't dress like women.

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Women don't dress like men.

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Be distinct in the God given role that you are and live that out to the best of your ability.

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Uh, and so I do think that is important.

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Or else we should be wearing, or ladies should be wearing, head coverings.

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If that wasn't true, um, but that's clearly not what that scripture meant.

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So I do appreciate you pointing that out, because I think there's lots of things old Testament like if I.

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I think people go like how come we're not wearing polyester?

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Or how come we're not?

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You know, why are we not, uh, banning non-kosher food?

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Because ultimately, doesn't the bible say and so you've just picked and chosen?

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Ah, you don't like gay people.

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So therefore, you, you go to all the passages of leviticus and you highlight those, say see sexual morality, and then all the ones that say don't wear polyester, like that's dumb, that has no relevance.

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That is picking and choosing, unless unless there is a theological reason for it that Jesus came to fulfill the Mosaic law which made Israel distinct.

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And so when Jesus comes to the cross, he does away with the distinction of Israel and the rest of the planet saying listen, there is no longer a what you have to do in order to be a part of God's people.

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The moral law has always been there and it continues even beyond that.

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So it's not like Jesus says hey, don't worry about sexual morality.

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He reinforces sexual morality in the same way the Levitical laws would have upheld it.

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So I do think there is some reality there that I think we need to just kind of understand that there isn't any picking and choosing that we're doing just based upon our own feelings, but rather we are reading God's word and understanding.

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When Paul gets upset and frustrated with people about circumcision, he's talking not just about the act of circumcision but all the ceremonial law that goes along with circumcision, as being the thing that's hindering them from a genuine faith in Christ, because you're having to add something to your faith.

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Okay, so, holland.

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I'm so glad you're here.

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Like I know that you've had a little bit of discussion about this issue in your pastoring work, of course, so talk to me about really where you feel like the big issue hits, where people get offended on this issue.

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Okay, so I would say so actually, let me bring this up.

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I don't want to totally derail everything, but so you brought up head covering, so yeah.

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I think it's an interesting one actually kind of like denim skirts for the the one that's pentecostals.

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Yeah, kind of anyways, do y'all know head coverings were kind of the norm in american christianity up until like the 50s and 60s, right, and do y'all know what kind of um triggered the like, rejection of head coverage?

00:05:05.843 --> 00:05:06.384
No, what was it?

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Let me share this.

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This is interesting.

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I think it's relevant.

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Okay, I love it.

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I love it.

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This is from so y'all know the name Betty Friedan.

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Friedan Friedan I have heard of that one, one of the leaders in second wave feminism, nice.

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She was the president of the National Organization of Women and in December 1968 said because the wearing this is to her organization, because the wearing of a head covering by women at religious services is a symbol of subjection with many churches.

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Now National Organization for Women recommends that all chapters undertake an effort to have all women participate in a national unveiling by sending their head coverings to the task force chairman.

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At the spring meeting of the task force of women and religion, these veils will be publicly burned to protest the second class status of women in all churches.

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That's wild.

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So this was an explicit part of second wave feminism, which a big part of feminism was um, it was supportive, she, she was supportive, the leaders were supportive of the sexual revolution, of abortion, um and uh.

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A lot of these things are connected.

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The reason I bring it up is to say understanding the context we're in now.

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A lot of where we are today culturally is really shaped by feminism Right and feminism.

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A lot of you know I was taught in school growing up you know the all the good things about feminine feminism and women having equal rights and things was not really taught that so much of feminist activism was really steeped in hatred of God and his word and rejection of the Bible and its norms, and that one of the core.

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So this is offensive.

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Everything I'm saying right now I'm like this is offensive to people.

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Come on, bring the offense.

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So here's a core principle to feminism and it is that male and female are essentially interchangeable or functionally interchangeable.

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And that concept, right there, is at the heart of where a lot of things that we are today we see in merit.

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So you take that principle, apply it to an individual person male and female functionally interchangeable you get transgenderism.

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Take that principle, apply it to sex, you get homosexuality.

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Male and female interchangeable, right.

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Take that concept, that principle, and apply it to the family or the church, you get egalitarianism when you know it doesn't matter if a husband or wife leads or if one is the head or the other one is.

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It's the idea of taking a biblical truth that you're equal in value and then adding something unbiblical that you're equal in every way.

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And totally interchangeable and indistinguishable.

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That was a core feature of feminism that has now shaped everything about our culture and the way that we think about gender, sex, marriage, church, all of that, and so we've got to understand that.

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But to bring that up is where it's very offensive to people.

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Yeah, well, and it's also interesting how those, the fundamentals of feminism, have, like you just said, developed the current culture that we're living in, which happens to be a culture very unfavorable to women.

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Like, very recently, you were seeing how that when you remove the, the uniqueness of women, you then there is no value of them and so there is no value to support them and helping and assisting in the raising of children, or in birthing, of having the children, or in, um, what like.

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Even in athletics, like a female that that is, you know, gifted athletically, that wants to compete, well, now, there is no, there's really not opportunity there, because we have just washed the entire, the entire race or not race, we've washed the entire gender out of it and we have, and that makes it something now that women have.

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No, it's not fun, it's not something, it's, it's like it's almost removed it as an option for for women.

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It's you can't, you don't, you can't compete and come up against men.

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And so I think it's interesting how something that was created years ago to bring value to women has actually been the number one thing to devalue and kind of remove women from a place in society.

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Right, yeah, okay.

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So what is the biblical role then?

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I think this is where you know we had a paper come out about this because we wanted to make sure that we were clear.

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You know we had a paper come out about this because we wanted to make sure that we were clear.

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I think what was hard?

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I think back before COVID, this was just something that we just all assumed church people Okay, maybe that's the wrong way, but I just sort of assumed church people got.

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It was like it was written.

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You didn't really preach about that much, it was just sort of reality.

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Everyone sort of understood it.

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And then all of a sudden, when, when I watched the culture flip, I was like, oh, we need to teach this.

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This is no longer something that you just sort of like um, it's like your crazy drunk uncle that you keep in the kitchen during dinner parties.

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It's like you need to bring out the truth because it's it's not only good, it's God's design.

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And if you don't talk about it, then other people will have a voice and opinion about the matters which are of the utmost importance, maybe not of salvation, but of church polity and then of the dignity of the human race and how God designed humanity, which is becomes ultimately super important, and so I think that's the division that happened created for me an absolute need for us to be really clear about this.

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Yeah, and I don't think it was.

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I don't think it was COVID, I think.

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I think that COVID happened to align really in sync with when progressive Christianity was was taking flight and progressive progressive Christianity was coming at women um, in a way that was.

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That was a bit empowering initially.

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Yeah, Cause I think for you.

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You told me once, like when the Rachel Hollis, the Jen hat maker originally, if you weren't married to me, you would have been swept away with that.

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That's what you've told me yeah, I would have been swept away with that.

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That's what you've told me.

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Yeah, I would have been swept away.

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But let me just go back to what was, I think, good about them.

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I can't speak to Rachel Hollis, but I can speak to Jen Hatmaker.

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Originally, back when I was having in the throes of my first two years of motherhood, it was very hard and we were having a lot of just basic challenges of like just sleeping and eating.

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We couldn't, we couldn't get either one of those things figured out, okay, and it was like it wrecked me to my core because I had taken on this like value of my role as a woman, to be a nurturer of my children, and so I, like I really valued that that was something I had.

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Maybe I would say I idolized most of my life.

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And so here I was and I think God's, god's love for me was to remove it from being an idol and instead call me to just obedience without the idolatry aspect, and I think by making it as painful as it was, it helped me displace it from its idolatry.

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But in that process I was struggling and exhausted and hurting and struggling with how this, how my struggle, um, fit within our marriage because I think I needed more help from you.

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But I felt really committed that my role was to just support you by never needing you, um, which was which was bad thinking but it, but I I believed that and so I didn't want to ask for help or even receive help, because it felt like that was an insult to my role, in my position.

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And anyway, I was in the throes of wrestling with that and struggling and kind of failing and I didn't have very many friends at the time in my stage.

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I think that I was in a weird stage of, like most of my closest friends from high school and college had did not have children yet and then the other friends I had were not having kids yet and they were.

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It was just a weird stage.

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And so Jen Hatmaker had this book.

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That was like phenomenal, it was funny, it was so well-written and she was all about the gospel at the time.

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Like she was all about, um, our strength, being in Jesus and him giving us the strength that we need, and what we're doing, our, our mundane tasks of motherhood, are ways that we are actually serving God, because we're being obedient to God and we're serving our children and we're serving our husbands and like this is.

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This is a valuable role, it's a kingdom impacting role and we need to see beyond the diapers and the sleepless nights into what is happening through us, through this.

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It was, it was incredible, it was this incredible message, and she could do it with humor and with.

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I mean, she just was gifted.

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Jenna Hemmick is very gifted Still gifted probably.

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Yes, and so it was like I was completely like swept away by and kind of given life in a season where I was kind of lonely and struggling and um, but then very slowly that message swayed away from the value of your role at home and then like the very first if gathering I will never forget the very first if gathering because I was in this stage I just described and I'm there and I'm one of the only young moms at it and everyone's watching the TV screen as these women are wearing all this like cool jewelry from Africa, and everyone's talking about how we just need to like as women, we can be about more and we can all go to Africa and sell jewelry.

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As though that's like an ultimate, as though that was like this, greater than calling as if like child being a mother and a parent at home or even just a wife at home.

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Like it.

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Just being in the United States was somehow a less than, and being doing something that is impacting Africa is is superior and not just good, but superior.

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And also it was a bunch of moms on the stage, which I knew.

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I don't know if anyone else was like paying attention to that, but I'm in my head.

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I'm like they have young kids at home.

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It's not.

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These people didn't all have high school age children.

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These people had young kids at home and they're talking about their trips to Africa and this jewelry that they're selling and the impact that they're making.

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And in my head I'm like what's happening right now?

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We're sending this message to women that the work that they're doing at home is secondary to something better that they could be doing.

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If only they could just believe in themselves and if only they could just aspire for more.

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And I was like and none of them were married to lead pastors, right.

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So part of me was like, what the heck like me aspiring to more.

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And so my husband can come sit, although jen hatmaker was.

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She was at the time and then yes, she was isn't right and, yeah, that's a good point, but she wasn't I would say she wasn't a part of this, necessarily this one moment.

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But what was interesting to me is it was like very clear to me that under no circumstance could you coming into my home and sitting with our baby while I go off to Africa, under no circumstance was that the bigger win for us and for our ministry and for kingdom expansion.

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And so to hear that message coming across was uncomfortable to me.

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And then over the years, the IF gathering, I think, has full circled back into a really healthy place, but before it did, there was this like a little bit of progressive Christianity that was kind of twisted in there for the next couple of years.

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And that message was to women and it was to basically become more, become something that fits outside of this design of being a mom and being a supporter of your husband.

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And I think the heart behind it was like it's okay for us to have a job, it's okay for us to work, it's okay for us to aspire to things which nobody's disagreeing with, which nobody's disagreeing with, but it was the fact that that's an ultimate and if you really value yourself, you're going to get outside of your home and I was like man.

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To me, that was just the most anti-biblical message that we could have.

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So I think the biblical message then is and this is the part where I think it's become a dividing line in Christianity today it is what roles are women allowed to have within the church as a whole?

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That becomes the question.

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And I think you and I have seen recently Jenny Allen speaking at some things and I felt uncomfortable by it.

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I was like I've been a big fan, a Jenny Allen fan, and then all of a sudden she's preaching at a church with a mixed audience, authoritative teaching, kind of going for it, and I was like crud, what is the response to that?

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And there's this, this reality, like what does the scripture say about that?

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And I think I think that's helpful for us to to get into, not so that we could create division, but so that we'd have some wisdom on this.

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Uh, cause, I think we just go to first Timothy.

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Uh, chapter two is where this really comes up, and I think Holland and I've talked about this a lot and I'm going to read this and I want you to comment on it.

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I desire this Paul writing.

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I desire that in every place, that men should pray, lifting holy hands, without anger or quarreling.

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Likewise also that women should adorn themselves with respect to a parable, with modesty and self-control.

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Not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly tire, but with what is proper for women, who profess godliness with good works.

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Let women learn quietly, with all submissiveness.

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I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man to teach or to exercise authority over a man.

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Rather, she is to remain quiet, for Adam was formed first, then Eve and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor.

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Yes, she will be saved through childbearing if they continue in faith and love and holiness with self-control.

00:18:35.779 --> 00:18:44.097
I think that when you read that, like in America today, that makes everybody un-cumph Like.

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When you say Un-cumph, yes.

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That is not even you know, not even offering an interpretation, just straight up.

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Reading the Bible is offensive when you read that passage, and I think what Paul is teaching here and what Adrian is talking about, about the home and the value of the home, I think are related to one another and go all the way back to creation and God's purpose.

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To us today, again, because we have grown up in a culture that has prized this idea that male and female are functionally interchangeable, right, and that there is no real substantial difference and anything a man can do a woman should be able to do as well, and vice versa.

00:19:40.617 --> 00:19:44.585
Um, and it's just simply not how God created things.

00:19:44.585 --> 00:19:51.886
Um, in this verse, you notice, he gives gendered instructions the men should do this, the women should do this.

00:19:51.886 --> 00:19:55.363
He doesn't explain it that much in the beginning, right?

00:19:55.363 --> 00:19:57.307
He just kind of assumes that you agree.

00:19:57.307 --> 00:19:59.157
Like, yeah, men should do this, women should do this.

00:19:59.157 --> 00:20:13.497
He, um, he gives uh, even even to the end, where he talks about um, authority and teaching, and he the, the defense he gives, for it is not some cultural phenomenon going on there.

00:20:14.298 --> 00:20:25.576
Um, in Ephesus, where Timothy was stationed, he brings it back to the garden and God's creation of male and female, and an event that happened, right Um, adam was formed first.

00:20:25.576 --> 00:20:26.458
That's his first part.

00:20:26.458 --> 00:20:28.303
Adam was not deceived, the woman was.

00:20:28.303 --> 00:20:33.162
And then verse 15, the one that confuses a lot of people she'll be saved through childbearing.

00:20:33.162 --> 00:20:40.365
Um, we know we're saved in terms of like, justified by grace, through faith, right, um?

00:20:40.365 --> 00:20:48.486
But the idea is, uh, you know, saved can also save can have past, present and future implications right, sanctification and glorification.

00:20:48.546 --> 00:20:48.875
Yeah, yeah.

00:20:49.256 --> 00:21:03.498
And so, if you know, if you think of this in terms of sanctification, that a woman's role, um, you know, is, sanctifies her intensely, sanctifies her intensely, um, through something that is unique to women that he names here childbearing.

00:21:03.498 --> 00:21:04.819
A man can't.

00:21:04.819 --> 00:21:07.063
We are not the same you cannot have a baby.

00:21:07.384 --> 00:21:10.086
Yeah, I've tried, it's just not going to happen.

00:21:10.086 --> 00:21:12.309
There's no baby coming out of me.

00:21:12.309 --> 00:21:12.891
Not going to happen.

00:21:14.194 --> 00:21:14.820
Your body is not made for that.

00:21:14.820 --> 00:21:16.273
I don't think you tried, but that's funny still though.

00:21:16.273 --> 00:21:18.835
Yeah, kind of had an image in my head I could try.

00:21:18.855 --> 00:21:41.980
I guess he points to what's unique about the woman here and says that you know and what's unique about the man, and that a man has been given, you know, a different kind of body where you don't have a uterus, you can't birth and nurture a child, but you do have bigger muscles and bones and things that are meant for you to be a protector and a provider, and so you know, for that that's related to teaching and authority.

00:21:42.321 --> 00:21:54.563
Yeah, and I like how he says in verse eight men should pray lifting holy hands, without anger or quarreling, meaning the stuff that usually gets paraded around is the toxic masculinity label of like bad men.

00:21:54.563 --> 00:22:23.750
We're not talking about bad men like godly men lifting holy hands in prayer, lifting holy hands in prayer and then also not quarreling, not having not leading from anger but leading from love, and so, and then also then it gets to the women's propensity not all women but have a desire to look at me and how I look, my values and how I look, not in my essential, my profession of godliness, of good works.

00:22:23.750 --> 00:22:37.519
I think there's that that natural, like like the one thing that's always cool for a man to be is angry, Like nobody, like that is sort of like a badge of honor.

00:22:37.519 --> 00:22:37.861
Is the angry man?

00:22:37.861 --> 00:22:39.548
Uh, you know, you might say that guy's a good leader in the military at least.

00:22:39.567 --> 00:22:43.984
Like someone's anger was what propelled them to great victory and great leadership and had high expectations.

00:22:43.984 --> 00:22:45.979
That's what anger, in a sense, came.

00:22:45.979 --> 00:22:54.105
Came with anger, but, and I think, um, with women, beauty and uh, wealth and attire.

00:22:54.105 --> 00:23:10.642
That's like the world's way of saying this is a, uh, a quality woman, and what God's saying is no, it's a man of prayer, which is meekness, surrender in that wild, and then a woman who's good works and then seen, ultimately, the only thing a woman can do, the only thing a man cannot do.

00:23:10.642 --> 00:23:16.404
Men, you are not allowed to do childbearing, and nobody's arguing that Even today.

00:23:17.977 --> 00:23:18.901
No, some people argue it today.

00:23:18.921 --> 00:23:19.343
Okay fair enough.

00:23:19.996 --> 00:23:20.856
For the most part.

00:23:20.856 --> 00:23:26.261
But they would say without some operations you're not going to produce a kid out of your body.

00:23:26.261 --> 00:23:33.789
Fair, yeah, naturally that would just not happen, even though we can kind of conjure it up so we can kind of live out this I beg to differ.

00:23:33.809 --> 00:23:37.838
Have you ever seen Twins, not Twins.

00:23:37.838 --> 00:23:39.281
I know which movie Arnold Schwarzenegger.

00:23:39.281 --> 00:23:41.848
Arnold Schwarzenegger, yeah Gosh, when he gets pregnant, dang it.

00:23:41.848 --> 00:23:43.092
What movie was that, gosh?

00:23:43.353 --> 00:23:43.814
Anyways, carry on.

00:23:43.814 --> 00:23:44.115
It was a joke.

00:23:44.115 --> 00:23:53.512
I do feel like that's where we're living in, and I think this passage is showing how great women are as the only ones that can bear children.

00:23:53.994 --> 00:24:07.565
Right and I think also what you just hit on, I think the anger, I think what you just described was masculinity and femininity and our culture kind of has masculinity in this way, like anger is not leadership.

00:24:07.565 --> 00:24:08.710
Maybe in the army it felt like it was.

00:24:08.710 --> 00:24:09.452
It's not right.

00:24:09.452 --> 00:24:14.346
If you're angry, you're, so that's horrible, you're out of control leadership right and so I'm like okay, that's um.

00:24:14.346 --> 00:24:18.424
So I think that there's this idea, that it's not ideal, but it is effective.

00:24:18.525 --> 00:24:19.287
It gets people to live.

00:24:19.287 --> 00:24:20.517
It's by fear.

00:24:20.517 --> 00:24:22.181
You're ruling by fear, which is not good.

00:24:22.181 --> 00:24:23.282
You might be not good.

00:24:23.282 --> 00:24:29.080
You might be effective in getting people to hurry up To do what they're supposed to do, you probably aren't accomplishing your goal.

00:24:29.101 --> 00:24:36.634
You probably aren't, because if you're doing it emotionally and flippantly, in your heat of emotion, it's not happening effectively.

00:24:36.634 --> 00:24:41.007
And I think femininity is not just beauty.

00:24:41.007 --> 00:24:53.364
There's plenty of women out there with lots of money for lots of plastic surgery and that has not created uh, that's not them being feminine in the way that God has designed femininity.

00:24:53.364 --> 00:25:08.768
And so I think that, um, I think that that matters and I think, going back to like what Holland, before we hopped on this podcast, we were discussing, like that, the Bible, there's a lot of Christians that would argue that they, when a man is in sin, he goes passive.

00:25:08.768 --> 00:25:20.478
And I think a lot of men do have a tendency to go passive when, when there's an opportunity for leadership, their tendency is to acquiesce to typically a controlling, manipulative woman who is who's got it Right?

00:25:20.857 --> 00:25:24.406
And the phrase that we use for that is happy wife, happy life.

00:25:24.406 --> 00:25:42.279
So do whatever you need to do just to shut her up and make her happy, which is the most patronizing, the most like, almost like um denigrating thing you could do is like listen, I know she won't shut up until I just appease her with whatever this thing is so.

00:25:42.279 --> 00:25:54.942
So I'm going to do whatever I need to do so I can live my life separate of her and not have to deal with that sort of issue and I can move on, because I really don't want to have to deal with her and that sounds weird to me, just relationally.

00:25:54.942 --> 00:25:57.468
So we need to quit saying happy wife, happy life.

00:25:57.468 --> 00:26:02.900
What we need to say is like I don't know, the the blessed life comes from leading your wife.

00:26:02.900 --> 00:26:03.721
I don't know.

00:26:04.260 --> 00:26:20.138
But I do think it's like there's this tendency to go passive for some men and sometimes it's very legitimate, like you've had a wife that's criticized you every single time you took initiative, and that's very hard to overcome for anybody right.

00:26:20.138 --> 00:26:20.641
So I think passivity.

00:26:20.641 --> 00:26:29.788
But Holland was speaking too because I said you know, not all men, when presented with this opportunity for godly leadership, not all men's struggle is to go passive.

00:26:29.788 --> 00:26:34.335
Some are going into this aggressive form of leadership.

00:26:34.335 --> 00:26:37.440
So, holland, can you explain the other side of passivity?

00:26:37.440 --> 00:26:42.208
That is still disobedient to God's design is an abuse of power.

00:26:42.208 --> 00:26:42.990
Could you explain that?

00:26:44.535 --> 00:26:45.798
obedient to God's design is an abuse of power.

00:26:45.798 --> 00:26:46.400
Could you explain that?

00:26:46.400 --> 00:26:57.269
Yeah, the key difference between male and female um that we see in nature and in scripture is, I think, this male male strength and um female the female uh, beauty and gentleness, Right.

00:26:57.269 --> 00:27:05.509
And so scripture is clear to say what male strength is meant for and what it's not meant for, and what true feminine beauty is and what it isn't.

00:27:05.509 --> 00:27:09.355
It's not gold earrings and costly attire, it's first.

00:27:09.355 --> 00:27:17.829
Peter three says let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable beauty of a gentle, quiet spirit which, in God's sight, is very precious.

00:27:18.174 --> 00:27:19.662
In other words, or your clothes from Timo.

00:27:21.415 --> 00:27:33.243
You see, you see what godly beauty looks like, right, and then you see what godly masculinity looks like, and it's strength used for the good of others, to protect, provide and preside.

00:27:33.243 --> 00:27:35.061
That's the three Ps that I use.

00:27:35.061 --> 00:27:43.028
And so what passivity and aggression selfish aggression are is a corruption of male strength.

00:27:43.028 --> 00:27:46.880
It's a man um either not using his strength when he should.

00:27:46.880 --> 00:27:47.923
That's passivity.

00:27:47.923 --> 00:27:56.395
He should be able to use it to care for others, to lead, to provide to um, to help build others up and help them grow Um.

00:27:56.395 --> 00:28:15.048
So not using his strength for good would be abdication, um pass or aggression is to use his strength for selfish gain, to abuse or oppress or be domineering, and so both of those are corruptions of male strength that is meant to be used for sacrificially loving others.

00:28:15.315 --> 00:28:16.359
And I think we talked about this.

00:28:16.359 --> 00:28:24.262
Somebody had texted you and said well, I think a woman should be able to talk to her husband about issues she sees in the home.

00:28:24.986 --> 00:28:25.205
Right.

00:28:25.205 --> 00:28:31.167
So I guess the way this then plays out for women specifically like where does our role fall?

00:28:31.167 --> 00:28:38.440
And I think there's an important emphasis on that we're not lesser in value, and so what that means is, like God is what.

00:28:38.440 --> 00:28:44.646
God is speaking to us through the scripture and the Holy Spirit is speaking to us, is speaking to us through the scripture and the Holy spirit is speaking to us, and, and so what that?

00:28:44.646 --> 00:29:01.063
So, then, in the partnership of a marriage, it is our role to speak into decisions within the home and to speak into concerns with the kids or concerns with the male leadership, even like to be able to come respectfully, and not necessarily like respectfully, because because that's how we are to behave.

00:29:01.344 --> 00:29:01.826
No matter what.

00:29:03.560 --> 00:29:17.424
But to come respectfully with concerns as to even decisions within the leadership, and I think, at the end of the day, there is a responsibility that women have to acquiesce to the leadership of their husband.

00:29:17.424 --> 00:29:20.884
But that doesn't necessarily, that doesn't have to come without feedback and without-.

00:29:21.736 --> 00:29:23.078
I think that you go first.

00:29:23.078 --> 00:29:34.705
Peter, three, seven husbands live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel since their heirs with you, the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

00:29:34.705 --> 00:29:35.448
So here's what God does.

00:29:35.448 --> 00:29:39.097
He says, men, I've built you bigger, stronger, faster.

00:29:39.097 --> 00:29:41.320
I've built you bigger, stronger, faster.

00:29:41.320 --> 00:29:55.305
If you do not humble yourself and listen and interact with your wife to understand her, seek first to understand her before you are understood, then you are not living with her in an understanding.

00:29:55.796 --> 00:29:58.164
He will like kibosh your prayers.

00:29:58.164 --> 00:30:14.963
He will say I'm not going to hear your prayers because you're not living with your wife the way that I've designed you to show Jesus Christ to the world, which is why, ultimately, your marriage isn't about being happy, it's about, okay, you're allowed to be happy.

00:30:14.963 --> 00:30:17.335
Can I just say that I don't want to go like you should be in misery.

00:30:17.335 --> 00:30:22.867
But ultimately, the joy that you should feel in your marriage is like Jesus.

00:30:22.867 --> 00:30:26.885
It was for the joy that was set before him that he endured the cross.

00:30:26.885 --> 00:30:31.222
So he goes for joy because he loves his church.

00:30:31.584 --> 00:30:46.278
In the same way I love my bride and there is nothing more exciting for me than to gosh, lay down my life for her in a way that honors God, because it reflects the gospel, and if I don't do that, then I don't understand the gospel.

00:30:46.278 --> 00:31:01.784
And of course, you have seen tyrannical parents, you know, for those like I didn't grow up really in a church world, cody, you grew up more church world and I'm sure you saw tyrannical maybe not your parents, cause they're awesome, but tyrannical.

00:31:01.784 --> 00:31:10.568
Maybe not your parents, because they're awesome, but tyrannical men like interacting with their wives in a way that was not God honoring and their prayers.

00:31:10.568 --> 00:31:26.121
If God, things were happening in their life, it wasn't because of those husbands prayers and in fact I would say their lives are probably smaller and smaller and smaller and harder and harder and harder because their leadership wasn't christ-like, it was worldly accurate.

00:31:26.280 --> 00:31:26.682
I mean there was.

00:31:26.682 --> 00:31:59.045
I always thought that there was always more women at events or things because the men were out working right or like oil field, yeah, yeah, um, it always seemed like the women were more worshiping in the church and more like potent sometimes, and there I always thought there was that lack of there were men in the church that were doing that, but I always thought that it was interesting that there was more women there than husbands that would come to events and like like worship night or even church in general.

00:31:59.125 --> 00:32:11.319
They'd come, but it wasn't as much as the women would be there and we've seen a shift in that right, then that we've talked about that right where men we have more men now in worship than we do women, which is sort of wild.

00:32:11.319 --> 00:32:25.343
It's wild, uh, and I think that's because where else are men being affirmed as men saying, like you guys are designed to lead, we are going to have an empty chair if you guys don't step up, and that that should one be like.

00:32:25.844 --> 00:32:27.587
I would also say I'm sorry I interrupted you.

00:32:27.634 --> 00:32:35.345
No, but I think that that should be the calling on men to like oh, that's my chair, my role to assume, just like no man is thinking how come I can't bear children.

00:32:35.345 --> 00:32:40.386
Like there shouldn't be a sense of like I'm missing out because I don't get to do that.

00:32:40.386 --> 00:32:55.280
It's like God's design for you is to to lead, bear the weight of the responsibility of a family or of a church or of organizationally, and then then love, lovingly, show that servant leadership to your wife.

00:32:55.280 --> 00:32:55.521
Go ahead.

00:32:55.561 --> 00:33:11.936
Well, I also think going like what well, cody, what you're describing in a church of that dominated by women worshiping whose husbands are hard workers, masculine men who are probably not spiritually leading their families but they are providing for their families.

00:33:11.936 --> 00:33:23.076
And so in that context you have women who are desperate for love and for comfort and for hope and for leadership that they're getting spiritually, that they're getting from God.

00:33:23.076 --> 00:33:29.516
And so for them to show up to worship is their time to really connect and feel seen and feel known.

00:33:29.516 --> 00:33:50.724
And it's especially intense I mean that's true for any wife, married to a great husband or not but it's especially intense if what you go home to is not a man that is very in tune and very sensitive or listening, or engaging or leading, like you're needing as a female you're, you're wanting those things especially bad and you're getting them spiritually.

00:33:50.785 --> 00:34:03.721
And I think in our culture today, the message to women is like get outside, like let's like, let's move on from the home, let's move on from the kids, like let's make sure dad understands that he was 50, 50 and making these kids.

00:34:03.721 --> 00:34:09.355
And let's like let's get out and go, do things and take charge of things.

00:34:09.355 --> 00:34:13.764
And I think when you tell women that that's the, that's your new goal.

00:34:13.764 --> 00:34:15.115
Because, again, I don't.

00:34:15.115 --> 00:34:16.019
It's not wrong.

00:34:16.019 --> 00:34:35.155
I feel like it's very important for me to emphasize it's not wrong, for I don't believe for a woman to To have a corporate job, to have a medically impressive, for a female to be a doctor great, there's a context in which you can absolutely carry that out and continue to carry out God's design for you as women.

00:34:35.780 --> 00:34:39.362
Those are not mutually exclusive things, but what I think does matter.

00:34:39.362 --> 00:35:05.686
What I think if, when the culture's message is, your goal is outside the home and your significance is made more outside the home when that's the message, well then I like coming spiritually to God to get leadership and to feel known and to feel like, like we've convinced ourselves we're above that and we don't need that and our job is to conquer more and to control more and to get more things done and to crush it more in our different areas.

00:35:05.686 --> 00:35:17.291
And we don't really have time to come, sit and worship God when that's kind of this inconvenience to what we are ultimately trying to accomplish with our life.

00:35:17.652 --> 00:35:20.465
Yeah, so what Holland you've seen culturally?

00:35:20.465 --> 00:35:22.009
Just a backlash.

00:35:22.009 --> 00:35:23.612
Just pastoring in Austin.

00:35:23.612 --> 00:35:30.369
We see this, some of the effects of, I guess, the feminism, I think, where people like even feminists, would say it's gone too far.

00:35:30.369 --> 00:35:35.231
Like JK Rowling, big time feminist, the Harry Potter author, she would.

00:35:35.231 --> 00:35:39.327
She would say like whoa, didn't expect it to go this far to where we've.

00:35:39.327 --> 00:35:44.570
We've said it's so interchangeable, that gender is interchangeable, and now you've lost women completely.

00:35:44.570 --> 00:35:59.001
Where have you seen, just maybe even with some in some instances within the church, where you've seen, uh, it abandoned so much that's almost surprising, surprisingly not recognizable though, the roles that men and women had before?

00:35:59.001 --> 00:36:03.608
You think you get my question kind of complicated.

00:36:03.608 --> 00:36:07.094
Yeah, one more time.

00:36:07.094 --> 00:36:07.981
How about?

00:36:07.981 --> 00:36:13.771
How have you seen the culture progress to a point where it's like, wow, I never thought we'd get here.

00:36:13.971 --> 00:36:17.264
Okay, I see, I see, I see, sorry, yeah, no, no, no, that makes you said it.

00:36:17.264 --> 00:36:32.106
Fine, I was trying to track with you, but I think, just in general, the principle here is that applies to a lot of different things is when you, when you reject God's word, um, you often don't think it's good.

00:36:32.106 --> 00:36:38.951
You know, sin always says like, hey, I only want to go this far, and you know, and it and it always takes you way further than you thought you were going to go.

00:36:38.951 --> 00:36:40.784
Same idea for rejecting.

00:36:40.784 --> 00:36:45.907
So you know where a lot of this is rooted in rejecting God's order and the fact that he has made us different.

00:36:45.947 --> 00:36:53.155
I feel like the heresies of the first few centuries were all very highly theological and spiritual the nature of Christ, the Trinity, things like this.

00:36:53.155 --> 00:37:16.411
Today they're really more in the natural world, in rejecting gender, sex, marriage God's teaching about, you know but really like very core things marriage and children in the family, abortion, transgenderism, homosexuality those are, all you know, a rejection of and a subversion of the very first basic commands of scripture.

00:37:16.411 --> 00:37:18.065
You know, god created a male and female.

00:37:18.065 --> 00:37:19.148
Be fruitful and multiply.

00:37:19.148 --> 00:37:23.670
A man will leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife.

00:37:24.579 --> 00:37:26.503
Our culture rejects all of those things we say, you know we interchange male and female.

00:37:26.503 --> 00:37:26.599
Fast to his wife.

00:37:26.599 --> 00:37:26.916
Our culture rejects all of those things we say.

00:37:26.916 --> 00:37:28.706
You know we interchange male and female.

00:37:28.706 --> 00:37:30.273
We subvert marriage.

00:37:30.273 --> 00:37:33.809
We want to be able to have the freedom to kill our children before they're born.

00:37:33.809 --> 00:37:52.114
Like what kind of backwards society, you know, values the total subversion of God's order, and so I think what's happened is people take this idea that they haven't really thought through how, how much rejecting God's order in this way would totally impact and undo human society.

00:37:52.114 --> 00:37:52.596
Right.

00:37:52.795 --> 00:37:55.945
And so to the point where now it's like, Whoa, how did we get here?

00:37:55.945 --> 00:37:58.532
Well, we can trace back how we got here.

00:37:59.079 --> 00:38:01.949
Yeah, and so then that means, are you bringing back a head coverings at your church?

00:38:03.121 --> 00:38:03.463
I'm not.

00:38:03.463 --> 00:38:08.182
I think, when it comes to head coverings, I think there's good theological arguments on either side.

00:38:08.182 --> 00:38:15.509
Um, so I I wouldn't go on this like I wouldn't say any church that has head coverings is like some crazy cult church or something.

00:38:15.509 --> 00:38:19.929
I also wouldn't say a church that doesn't have them as being, um, you know, like totally, yeah, rebellious.

00:38:19.929 --> 00:38:21.382
I think there's good arguments for both.

00:38:21.382 --> 00:38:27.280
Um, I do think it's interesting that, um, that it was the norm up until 68 feminist leaders.

00:38:27.280 --> 00:38:28.666
Yeah, really, so that's wild.

00:38:30.141 --> 00:38:34.552
To me, the most important thing is to say yeah, are we what?

00:38:34.552 --> 00:38:34.853
What?

00:38:34.853 --> 00:38:50.432
What was important to Paul in that passage which you brought up, even in the way that y'all interpret that passage, the way you explained it was gender differences matter, they do, and you know you were saying like a man shouldn't dress like a woman and vice versa, and that was, I think, Paul's emphasis.

00:38:50.432 --> 00:38:59.545
There is very clear that God has created us differently and that gender differences matter and they actually communicate something about who God is and how he's created us to be.

00:38:59.545 --> 00:39:05.684
So when you start undoing a little bit back here, we can see the effects of it.

00:39:05.684 --> 00:39:08.670
In society today is everything's backwards, everything's upside down.

00:39:08.670 --> 00:39:13.505
People cannot define what a woman is today yeah, yeah, I mean honestly, we're so.

00:39:13.525 --> 00:39:18.621
When the what is a woman movie came out, uh, it was like you.

00:39:18.621 --> 00:39:20.987
What just define what a woman is for me?

00:39:20.987 --> 00:39:27.380
And people like it is whatever you want it to be, and that's when you knew we had lost reality.

00:39:27.380 --> 00:39:33.313
When you can't define a word you're using so much, where are you?

00:39:33.840 --> 00:39:36.929
And if you can't define what a woman is, then you've already lost.

00:39:36.929 --> 00:39:38.105
What is the point of feminism?

00:39:40.023 --> 00:39:42.389
There is no feminism if you have no woman.

00:39:42.510 --> 00:39:49.414
Exactly, the movement was defeated from the beginning in the sense of it's based on a rejection.

00:39:49.414 --> 00:39:54.608
So if all it was was women should be valued equally as men.

00:39:55.010 --> 00:39:55.891
Yes and amen.

00:39:55.891 --> 00:40:00.427
Okay, I want to say that yes and amen, and I think every biblical passage points about no.

00:40:00.507 --> 00:40:04.603
It was, and I think it was about rejecting God's order and yeah, go ahead, Adrienne.

00:40:04.603 --> 00:40:05.005
No, it was rejecting.

00:40:05.025 --> 00:40:05.851
God's order and yeah, go ahead, adrienne.

00:40:05.851 --> 00:40:16.019
It was rejecting God's order for women and and it, but I actually think the majority of the people jumping on the bandwagon were jumping on emotionally because they wanted to feel equal in value.

00:40:16.019 --> 00:40:26.048
I actually think that equal in value was the driver for probably the majority of the people that were feminist and they and and the specificity of what we're after.

00:40:26.048 --> 00:40:27.753
Nobody sat down and really discussed.

00:40:27.753 --> 00:40:34.646
It was like you were just emotionally charged and everybody kind of had their own belief as to why they have a dog in the fight.

00:40:35.510 --> 00:40:35.931
On that.

00:40:35.931 --> 00:40:37.398
Well, go ahead and finish.

00:40:37.398 --> 00:40:38.240
I want to say something on that.

00:40:38.621 --> 00:40:40.608
No, you should, because I've got to take it far a different direction.

00:40:40.628 --> 00:40:49.494
Okay, what I wanted to say was there was a lot of women against feminism, against these feminist leaders, saying this is not going to be good for society.

00:40:49.494 --> 00:40:51.527
This is a rejection of God's order.

00:40:51.527 --> 00:40:53.728
It wasn't just men against it.

00:40:53.728 --> 00:40:58.523
There were women, godly women, against some of these things, and men went passive on it.

00:40:58.523 --> 00:40:59.967
Yes, yes.

00:41:00.367 --> 00:41:02.012
And so hey honey, whatever Just please.

00:41:06.599 --> 00:41:10.039
A driving idea behind it, going back to a lot of what you've said, Adrian, was liberating women from the home right.

00:41:10.380 --> 00:41:15.431
That you should be able to have an identity outside of the home and that you shouldn't.

00:41:15.431 --> 00:41:19.791
You know that that at home is slavery to you and freedom is out there in the world.

00:41:19.791 --> 00:41:23.090
That's just not a biblical view of the home for men or women.

00:41:23.090 --> 00:41:36.231
I think men today have a low view of the home as well and abdicate their responsibility to be disciple, makers of their children and leaders of family worship and heads of their household to be a productive home for God's kingdom.

00:41:36.231 --> 00:41:39.442
Men are failing in their vision of the home as well.

00:41:39.442 --> 00:41:40.003
Oh, a hundred percent.

00:41:40.105 --> 00:41:40.887
Oh, I would totally.

00:41:40.887 --> 00:41:48.293
I think men have been failing in their vision of the home long before women, which I think is actually partially why it felt like liberating women from the home.

00:41:48.293 --> 00:41:53.766
Felt good because the home was a place of defeat, because we needed more male leadership in the home.

00:41:53.766 --> 00:41:54.510
That we didn't have.

00:41:54.760 --> 00:41:55.041
Right, that's.

00:41:55.041 --> 00:41:55.322
I mean.

00:41:55.322 --> 00:41:57.248
The stories of the milkman weren't just stories.

00:41:57.248 --> 00:41:58.684
You know, visiting your wife.

00:41:58.684 --> 00:42:01.934
The women were lonely, they were isolated.

00:42:01.934 --> 00:42:04.240
They desperately like without church.

00:42:04.280 --> 00:42:15.469
There was no other place for them to connect, so you could almost argue that the original problem wasn't women looking for liberation or value, it was men abdicating their role.

00:42:16.202 --> 00:42:16.824
In the garden.

00:42:16.824 --> 00:42:17.184
Who did?

00:42:17.224 --> 00:42:18.349
God call for Adam.

00:42:18.349 --> 00:42:19.090
Where are you Right?

00:42:19.940 --> 00:42:23.927
So you can identify all the problems in feminism and how it's ruined so many things.

00:42:23.927 --> 00:42:33.612
You know, ruined so many things in society, for, you know, conforming to God's order and his, his design for what's true and good and beautiful.

00:42:33.612 --> 00:42:36.811
But at the end of that you you got to come back to.

00:42:36.811 --> 00:42:37.875
Well, men have failed them.

00:42:37.996 --> 00:42:39.099
Right, absolutely, absolutely.

00:42:39.400 --> 00:42:40.445
And that we have to own that.

00:42:41.920 --> 00:42:42.061
They.

00:42:42.061 --> 00:42:48.213
They did fail long before, and I think there was something I was about to say in regards to the liberal oh the Proverbs 31 woman.

00:42:48.213 --> 00:42:54.815
This is something that I think, as a woman who is now like for me, I think I would say like I hit a point with.

00:42:54.815 --> 00:43:14.442
I've shared this a million times, but when we had our fourth baby, I did hit a point as kind of a ceiling within the home and was really desiring something outside of the home to like exert some energy into and feel a little bit of satisfaction Like the home was just this never ending place of need right and in

00:43:14.481 --> 00:43:26.144
place of redoing what you just did, kind of, and so um, and and I don't and I didn't think that that was a wrong thing, um, but I also was like, okay, I have to find something that can be an outlet for me, but that also does not.

00:43:26.144 --> 00:43:47.766
That can be an outlet for me, but that also does not, that does not like remove for me the ability to be, to be what I feel like I need to be here and um and so in the Proverbs 31 woman has been a really helpful, like my friends and I will laugh about it at times because you can pick any career and fit it into Proverbs 31 woman and I don't think it's a prescriptive way for no one person I think is being all of these things.

00:43:47.887 --> 00:44:04.960
But it's the concept of like, if you sleep really at all, you can't really sleep, but it's the concept of being an entrepreneur, being a wheeler and dealer, being a good like.

00:44:04.980 --> 00:44:15.931
there's a lot of things that the Proverbs 31 represented as a biblical way for women to be executing their healthy feminism and that and it didn't just mean making everything from scratch inside of your home.

00:44:15.931 --> 00:44:17.563
That's just not what it was.

00:44:17.563 --> 00:44:19.041
It's an option, it's not.

00:44:19.041 --> 00:44:19.382
It's not.

00:44:19.382 --> 00:44:27.021
It doesn't have to be that way and I think I also think like just to flip it and completely divert the entire conversation thing.

00:44:27.021 --> 00:44:30.847
Like just to flip it and completely divert the entire conversation but if you go to like our, our political realm.

00:44:31.228 --> 00:44:32.248
oh wow, let's go here.

00:44:32.248 --> 00:44:37.503
When it comes to um, when it comes to helping the poor, yeah, we've done the same thing.

00:44:37.503 --> 00:45:15.648
It's like we've taken a concept of loving, of like let's help the poor, let's help the needy, and we've translated that as to let's remove from them their sense of duty and responsibility, and and we've done that with acting as though that that's going to better them Just like we took away, just like we separated gender and in the effort of feminism, I feel like we have done that when it comes to taking care of the poor and needy, we have said, okay, let's rob them of their personal responsibility, let's rob them of their um, any accountability, and let's just give to them.

00:45:15.648 --> 00:45:24.000
And what we have done is we have, we've squashed them and we've ruined them as a society in the way that we've led through culture.

00:45:24.000 --> 00:45:31.371
And so now, in order to undo that, I mean it's going to have to, it has to start with individuals.

00:45:31.393 --> 00:45:32.320
You can't I mean it's hard, we've made.

00:45:32.320 --> 00:45:33.545
We've made such a mess.

00:45:33.605 --> 00:45:40.963
You man that you opened up a whole can of worms that I don't know if this podcast has enough time to really totally digest everything you just said.

00:45:40.963 --> 00:45:43.405
Right there it's.

00:45:43.405 --> 00:45:53.356
It's a lot of times you look to fix something Right Like poverty is bad, Right Men, abdicating their leadership is bad.

00:45:55.079 --> 00:45:56.081
Women being mistreated is bad.

00:45:56.081 --> 00:46:00.893
I would say the Bible says to not just poverty is bad, but the Bible says help the poor needy.

00:46:00.893 --> 00:46:05.391
The Bible also says that male and female are created equal in value.

00:46:05.391 --> 00:46:12.947
Right says that male and female are created equal in value, so it's almost like there's a little bit of biblical justice, that's behind these efforts that get just a little bit twisted.

00:46:13.108 --> 00:46:13.289
Right.

00:46:13.289 --> 00:46:18.688
So instead of living with your wife in an understanding way, you need to submit or just understand that whatever she says goes.

00:46:18.688 --> 00:46:20.867
I think that's where you miss it right.

00:46:20.867 --> 00:46:23.583
I think that's where live with your wife in an understanding way.

00:46:23.583 --> 00:46:25.304
Happy life, happy wife.

00:46:25.304 --> 00:46:27.927
You've taken it from live with your wife in an understanding way.

00:46:27.927 --> 00:46:28.507
Happy life, happy wife.

00:46:28.507 --> 00:46:30.208
You've taken it from live with your wife in an understanding way to like oof.

00:46:30.208 --> 00:46:32.791
I just got to do whatever it takes to make her stop talking.

00:46:32.791 --> 00:46:33.931
I don't want to understand.

00:46:33.931 --> 00:46:35.152
It doesn't really matter if I understand.

00:46:35.152 --> 00:46:37.275
She needs to be happy.

00:46:37.635 --> 00:46:40.541
Or to just do what I say or do what I say.

00:46:40.541 --> 00:46:43.210
Either way, you don't want to have to deal with her.

00:46:43.210 --> 00:46:44.583
You don't want to serve her.

00:46:44.583 --> 00:46:46.068
You don't want to have to deal with her.

00:46:46.068 --> 00:46:47.512
You don't want to serve her.

00:46:47.512 --> 00:46:51.824
I think living with your wife in understanding ways is all about service, and I think that's the part that we're talking about in gender way.

00:46:51.824 --> 00:46:53.650
In gender, the way that Jesus served the church.

00:46:53.650 --> 00:46:56.409
He models for us foot washing.

00:46:56.409 --> 00:47:01.630
And so, husbands, how are you washing your wife's feet?

00:47:01.630 --> 00:47:21.045
Like that should be something like if Jesus is, is you know, if our marriages are to be representing jesus in the church, then there's got to be a way we're serving our wives in a way that truly represents jesus, sacrificial way of demonstrating leadership, because it's not like he abdicated leadership in that moment.

00:47:21.045 --> 00:47:26.326
And peter's like you're not going to wash my feet because I'm a follower, I'm not a blah blah, and he really.

00:47:26.326 --> 00:47:28.452
And jesus like if you don't do this, you have no part in me.

00:47:28.452 --> 00:47:30.688
I mean, he still led Peter even then.

00:47:31.320 --> 00:47:31.822
I was going to say.

00:47:31.822 --> 00:47:43.106
I think that's really important because for a lot of men you hear the term servant leadership a lot, but the way a lot of men apply, that is I trade leadership for service Right, and that's not what Jesus did.

00:47:43.106 --> 00:47:47.911
His leadership was shaped by service but he did not fail to lead.

00:47:47.911 --> 00:47:53.257
So a lot of men will go okay, I serve my wife and she's a functionally the head of the home.

00:47:53.257 --> 00:48:02.990
And I just said, and you are abdicating your role as a leader, a visionary, a head, you know the spiritual authority in the home.

00:48:03.501 --> 00:48:29.974
And there's a lot of men who are just very passive and but call it servant leadership and are actually just kind of following their wife and um, and eventually, like she may enjoy that for a time, but I think the heart of every woman want, you know, of every wife wants to follow a worthy man, a worthy husband who really does care for her and lead her well and to honor him and help him.

00:48:29.974 --> 00:48:37.891
And eventually, when a husband abdicates his leadership for so long, the wife becomes miserable and um, and so does the husband.

00:48:37.891 --> 00:48:39.706
It's just not how God has designed it.

00:48:39.981 --> 00:48:40.804
I just thought of this cause.

00:48:40.804 --> 00:48:47.525
This comes up a lot in marriage coaching, Like when men say I don't care, you're supposed to.

00:48:47.586 --> 00:48:51.907
Yeah, you know what I feel like like when men say, hey, where do you want to go to?

00:48:51.907 --> 00:48:53.592
I don't care what you're like.

00:48:53.592 --> 00:49:06.565
Now there's no way and this is true for both sexes, there's no way for a woman to please her husband and now you're putting on her a decision to make what and I know it might be seem like a really generous thing to do where would you like to go to dinner?

00:49:06.565 --> 00:49:13.021
Um, and you can say, hey, I want us to go to chili's, I'm just gonna throw that there well, I don't want you.

00:49:13.061 --> 00:49:15.588
Yeah, then now, now now.

00:49:15.668 --> 00:49:19.340
No, but hang on, let me retry this, because this is something that I'm told a lot.

00:49:19.340 --> 00:49:23.186
Um, I'm supposed to care, is this when you want me to care?

00:49:23.186 --> 00:49:29.514
And I'm like, oh man, like I, yes, if you care, care.

00:49:29.514 --> 00:49:34.132
But if you don't care, don't tell me chilies, unless do you want to go to chilies?

00:49:34.936 --> 00:49:39.753
and then I get this look yeah, sure, like that's called abdicating my role as a leader I don't miss, I think.

00:49:39.835 --> 00:49:43.905
I think there's a way to not have a preference and to lead.

00:49:44.246 --> 00:49:47.673
I think you can we are going to dinner and enjoying each other.

00:49:47.673 --> 00:49:51.516
I'm going to pursue you in a way that both honors you, but I think you can say man.

00:49:51.516 --> 00:49:52.547
I'm excited to take you to dinner.

00:49:53.820 --> 00:49:55.606
This is where it returns into it, but I think it's.

00:49:55.606 --> 00:49:55.947
I think um.

00:49:55.947 --> 00:49:59.550
I think it's.

00:49:59.550 --> 00:50:10.306
I think there's a way to not always have the answer and always have a preference and still communicate decision-making and leadership, because, ultimately, why are you going to dinner?

00:50:10.559 --> 00:50:12.626
I want to have intimacy with my spouse.

00:50:12.626 --> 00:50:13.349
Right, we don't.

00:50:13.349 --> 00:50:14.210
We can eat anywhere.

00:50:15.481 --> 00:50:17.347
That like day-to-day decisions is.

00:50:17.347 --> 00:50:22.222
I think a lot of wives get frustrated with their husbands because their husband doesn't have a vision for their life.

00:50:22.222 --> 00:50:28.869
Right, Not just like oh, he doesn't provide leadership about these day-to-day decisions, but it's like what are we doing with our lives?

00:50:28.869 --> 00:50:30.492
What are we doing with our children?

00:50:30.492 --> 00:50:32.673
You know, what is it, what purpose, what's our mission?

00:50:33.114 --> 00:50:40.681
And there's men who, just like you, know don't think about those things and cause who has time?

00:50:40.681 --> 00:50:41.423
Yeah, they're like they can't.

00:50:41.423 --> 00:50:43.246
Well, one, they can't open their Bibles as it is, and then two, you can't.

00:50:43.246 --> 00:50:48.336
You don't have time to think about your life because you're scrolling on Tik TOK and watching, uh you know, getting your fancy football lineup going.

00:50:48.336 --> 00:51:07.860
I think that's the reality that a lot of men face is that we're so indoctrinated by the culture to do the thing that's right in front of us and then, as opposed to what we're calling is in leaderships, to look way down the road financially, way down the road spiritually, way down the road, spiritually way down the road, like what is what we're doing now?

00:51:07.860 --> 00:51:09.585
How is that going to affect us?

00:51:09.585 --> 00:51:27.293
5, 10, 15 years now, and I think because of that women feel really insecure about they don't feel like their husband has a clear direction, and that's when they try to grip control of things and yank the steering wheel and it can get very troubling, I think.

00:51:27.313 --> 00:51:28.621
Yeah, I think it's when they get critical.

00:51:28.621 --> 00:51:32.452
I think it's when you get a lot of the outcomes that you don't desire as men.

00:51:32.452 --> 00:51:41.987
And once again, I think it goes back to that Like there's a little desire for the right thing but it gets a little bit twisted and it derails.

00:51:41.987 --> 00:51:43.672
It derails everything.

00:51:43.672 --> 00:51:55.199
And I think a husband that ultimately, like I think a husband has to be living on conviction over what he ultimately wants, and I think a lot of men really do just want their wife to be happy, so they don't have to really think and they don't have to really make.

00:51:55.239 --> 00:52:06.367
I think a lot of men really do desire that and so as a man, it's having, it's having to say, okay, I'm going to choose to care and engage against what I would kind of prefer right now, choose to care and engage against what I would kind of prefer right now.

00:52:06.367 --> 00:52:30.980
And once you kind of once you can convince yourself, I think, of what your, your role is and that, and you can convince yourself of a desire for that role or pray for a God to give you a desire for that role, that role comes across and it comes out in everything, just like a little tweak wrong back here affects a long line of feminism, or affects a long line of helping the poor, or whatever.

00:52:30.980 --> 00:52:36.293
It's a husband who has a little tweak off when it comes to his perspective of what his role is in his home.

00:52:37.041 --> 00:52:52.797
It affects all of these details and all of these things just being a checkbox to being an intimate experience of connection when the man engages it with a value and a desire for a purpose that he owns.

00:52:53.177 --> 00:52:58.032
Right, yeah, I think owning the purpose is huge, because I think it's just hey, what should we be doing?

00:52:58.032 --> 00:53:06.019
And then that indecisiveness breeds insecurity, because that's not the role you were designed for to lead the family, it's to follow your husband.

00:53:06.039 --> 00:53:07.485
You don't have to have all the answers.

00:53:07.485 --> 00:53:09.010
You don't have to always know where you want to eat.

00:53:09.010 --> 00:53:12.309
You have to know what you're there to do and what you're there for.

00:53:13.061 --> 00:53:16.391
My primary purpose is here to build intimacy with you and to let you know your value.

00:53:16.391 --> 00:53:18.041
I do think that is important.

00:53:18.061 --> 00:53:26.548
And that's going to come off, because when you don't take a shower and you have it, you can't look up from your phone and you get in the car and you're just like, what do you want?

00:53:26.548 --> 00:53:33.295
It's like well that comes off, I mean, that communicates something, and so it's kind of like oh, I don't want any.

00:53:33.295 --> 00:53:34.956
Actually, I would rather go home.

00:53:34.956 --> 00:53:43.282
It's like because what you're wanting isn't the actions are not a means to an end.

00:53:43.282 --> 00:53:46.572
The actions are to fulfill a purpose that you're wanting the husband to like.

00:53:46.592 --> 00:53:49.228
Oh, right, it's good, all right.

00:53:49.228 --> 00:53:51.115
Hey, listen, man, we covered a lot.

00:53:51.115 --> 00:53:56.268
If you've got any questions, I want you to text us at 737-231-0605.

00:53:56.268 --> 00:53:57.630
Uh, we do.

00:53:57.630 --> 00:53:59.353
Faith, culture, everything in between.

00:53:59.353 --> 00:54:03.027
Uh, I did have one other question for Cody, the Cody Sparks band.

00:54:03.027 --> 00:54:19.110
Like cody, in your realm of uh being in the country music scene where you see the world operating, do you see like a reversal of roles, even within, like something that I would seemingly think is pretty conservative and traditional in country music?

00:54:20.202 --> 00:54:20.784
or do you see?

00:54:20.784 --> 00:54:30.492
Oh, I mean, this is where, like, men should go to women and ask them to dance, or men should lead dancing, right, or this, and sometimes that is the case, sometimes it's not the case.

00:54:30.492 --> 00:54:33.440
Um, it's probably the same.

00:54:33.440 --> 00:54:34.322
50, 50.

00:54:34.322 --> 00:54:35.344
Okay, to where?

00:54:35.344 --> 00:54:38.932
Yeah, you have some people that are men asking women to dance.

00:54:39.661 --> 00:54:41.063
That seems like a normal thing, right?

00:54:41.063 --> 00:54:43.530
But it's flipped, right, uh.

00:54:43.530 --> 00:54:44.090
And?

00:54:44.090 --> 00:54:54.083
But then men have to lead, because that's the way the dances are designed, correct, and if it doesn't, it doesn't really work it doesn't, and a lot of times you have to go hey, let me lead, follow me.

00:54:54.163 --> 00:54:56.108
Or yeah to a girl.

00:54:56.108 --> 00:54:59.036
Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't.

00:54:59.036 --> 00:54:59.599
I don't know.

00:54:59.599 --> 00:55:03.211
You got the strong-headed bull ladies that will do it themselves.

00:55:03.211 --> 00:55:06.103
You know, I it's one of those deals where you got.

00:55:06.103 --> 00:55:07.460
You got them here you got them there?

00:55:07.521 --> 00:55:19.172
how about in just uh like, beyond, like, like uh, the dancing scene, like the music scene, like just the uh like, have you seen that where women take control of things?

00:55:19.172 --> 00:55:22.489
Or or is that just like too hard to kind of wrap your head around?

00:55:22.510 --> 00:55:27.829
I mean, I think it's a little everybody that I was involved with.

00:55:27.829 --> 00:55:28.782
Yeah, I'm not.

00:55:28.782 --> 00:55:30.967
Oh gosh, he's gonna get me in trouble if this ever comes out.

00:55:30.967 --> 00:55:33.360
I'm not the biggest fan of chick singers.

00:55:33.360 --> 00:55:36.809
Like they very, they rare, like the rarity of them.

00:55:36.809 --> 00:55:37.731
It's my brother too.

00:55:37.731 --> 00:55:46.467
It's like three or four that I could tell you that I'm fans of, yeah, that I really like, and the other ones I feel like they're screaming yeah and they're just trying too hard, right.

00:55:46.887 --> 00:55:59.590
So the people that I would say there was a huge push, like in the past six years, for why are there not more female?

00:55:59.610 --> 00:56:00.454
artists in festivals.

00:56:00.516 --> 00:56:01.179
Why are there not?

00:56:01.179 --> 00:56:03.768
Why are they not having more shows?

00:56:03.768 --> 00:56:04.958
Why are they not this?

00:56:04.958 --> 00:56:10.023
We need to push those people more, those, those men, more, um.

00:56:10.023 --> 00:56:13.532
So it's like yeah, but they're not, they're not good, or why are you?

00:56:13.532 --> 00:56:15.226
Want to push that one when they're not good.

00:56:15.226 --> 00:56:19.887
There's guys out there that are doing festivals too, where you're like, why are they doing the festival?

00:56:19.887 --> 00:56:22.057
Like who kind of like we talked about earlier?

00:56:22.057 --> 00:56:29.371
There's a little bit of luck of who heard you found you, yeah, kind of how you progress someone back to the right time at the right place, but that's exactly right.

00:56:29.652 --> 00:56:35.106
So it's like you why you shouldn't be there at the top just because you're a female.

00:56:35.106 --> 00:56:36.871
For me I feel that way.

00:56:36.871 --> 00:56:47.233
It's like, hey, you should work hard and you should pay your dues just like everybody else had to do we shouldn't bump you to these certain festivals or these certain events just because you're a female.

00:56:47.233 --> 00:56:48.121
That's wild.

00:56:48.141 --> 00:56:49.043
Okay, Holland.

00:56:49.043 --> 00:56:53.159
Any other thoughts from your perspective of pastoring on the East side?

00:56:56.244 --> 00:57:11.164
You could talk all day about this, but I think the most important thing to me is that we continue to look to scripture as our guide and not just what is popular or cultural or trendy or not.

00:57:11.164 --> 00:57:19.885
That our aim is not just to not offend anyone, and nor is it to be overly offensive and just try to be controversial or anything like that.

00:57:19.885 --> 00:57:23.461
But let's study the word, let's really try to understand.

00:57:23.461 --> 00:57:30.003
I think the New Testament commands can be confusing when looked at in isolation.

00:57:30.003 --> 00:57:39.112
But when you look at the testimony of scripture as a whole, beginning from Genesis, chapter one and creation, I think you start to see themes and connections.

00:57:39.112 --> 00:57:47.664
And so to really study all of scripture, to get a vision, a biblical vision, for how God has created us, male and female, why it matters, that's what's important to me.

00:57:48.106 --> 00:57:51.681
Well, your wife has liked this podcast, so amazing.

00:57:51.842 --> 00:57:53.144
Yeah, so way to go.

00:57:53.164 --> 00:57:54.367
She's the lone miker so far.

00:57:54.367 --> 00:57:54.869
Love you, Jenny.

00:57:54.869 --> 00:57:55.550
Yeah, Way to go.

00:57:55.550 --> 00:57:56.664
Uh, so hey listen.

00:57:56.664 --> 00:57:57.889
Thanks so much for watching.

00:57:57.889 --> 00:58:04.869
Uh, we want to talk faith, culture, everything in between, excited for this to be a part of your world, From our house to yours.

00:58:04.869 --> 00:58:06.532
Have an awesome week of worship.