Oct. 1, 2024

Addressing Sexual Assault and Predators

Addressing Sexual Assault and Predators

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320: Join Pastor Plek for an essential discussion featuring Jordan Smith and Cody Sparks from the Cody Sparks Band as we unpack the intricacies of issues like protection, redemption, and accountability in the context of sexual assault and sexual predators in the congregation. They cover the legal definitions of sexual assault per the Texas penal code and underscore the critical role of mandatory reporters. Expect to gain a thorough understanding of how the church, government, and family must collaborate to protect women and children while ensuring that perpetrators are brought to justice.

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Chapters

00:03 - Handling Church Sexual Assault Cases

10:31 - Sexual Assault and Church Policies

18:05 - Church Sex Offender Policy Implementation

29:48 - Approaching Sexual Predator in Church

33:13 - Parenting and Boundaries With Children

41:02 - First Dance Jitters at Church

Transcript
WEBVTT

00:00:03.806 --> 00:00:05.929
and welcome back to pastor plex podcast.

00:00:05.929 --> 00:00:10.567
I'm your host, pastor plec, and joining me in studio is none other than mr jordan smith.

00:00:10.567 --> 00:00:11.692
Jordan, how are you doing?

00:00:11.993 --> 00:00:12.936
I'm doing great, chris.

00:00:12.977 --> 00:00:19.185
It's good to be here I am so pumped that you were here, because we're talking about a subject that's near and dear to the hearts of all human beings.

00:00:19.185 --> 00:00:23.318
Uh, we're gonna be talking about sexual predators.

00:00:23.318 --> 00:00:29.106
I wasn't expecting this conversation to be here, but here we are, and also joining us from the Cody Sparks Band.

00:00:29.106 --> 00:00:32.845
Mr Cody Sparks, hello, all right, so here's the question.

00:00:32.845 --> 00:00:35.999
We're going to jump right into this because I don't like to kind of beat around the bush.

00:00:36.018 --> 00:00:37.365
All right, we don't need any small talk.

00:00:37.500 --> 00:00:41.121
We're going to get right to this question, and here it is.

00:00:41.121 --> 00:00:45.764
It says how should the church handle sexual assault and sexual predators within the congregation?

00:00:45.764 --> 00:00:48.265
When should the police be involved?

00:00:48.265 --> 00:00:52.628
How do we ensure we are protecting women and children while culprits?

00:00:52.628 --> 00:00:59.454
And then it ends with a question mark there, which I'm assuming they meant how do we ensure we are protecting women and children while church is going on?

00:00:59.454 --> 00:01:00.293
All right.

00:01:00.293 --> 00:01:04.177
So let's break this down and I want to hear first your thoughts.

00:01:04.977 --> 00:01:05.278
Jordan.

00:01:05.278 --> 00:01:08.368
Well, I'd be curious, like how do you define sexual assault?

00:01:08.368 --> 00:01:12.611
Like, is that a guy touching a girl's butt, or what's going on here?

00:01:13.021 --> 00:01:16.888
Yeah, when you hear the word sexual assault, what do you think, Cody?

00:01:19.433 --> 00:01:20.073
That's a tough one.

00:01:20.073 --> 00:01:27.313
Probably something really bad like a rape or yeah one of those issues.

00:01:27.334 --> 00:01:28.656
Yeah, I mean, that's what I say too.

00:01:28.697 --> 00:01:38.186
Yeah thinking of sexual assault doesn't make me think of what the definition of sexual assault actually is, which is interesting yeah, um, okay.

00:01:38.245 --> 00:01:40.052
So here is so they.

00:01:40.052 --> 00:01:41.938
How should the church handle sexual assault?

00:01:41.938 --> 00:01:43.641
First off, we need to know what sexual assault is.

00:01:43.641 --> 00:01:52.430
I brought brought up the Texas penal code because I, you know, I don't know if cause I think is it grabbing someone's butt or is it rape?

00:01:52.430 --> 00:01:55.349
Where is in between those two things?

00:01:56.040 --> 00:02:00.260
And it says the person uh, a sexual assault is occurs.

00:02:00.260 --> 00:02:11.233
A person commits that offense If the person intentionally or knowingly causes the penetration of the anus or sexual organ of another person by any means without that person's consent.

00:02:11.233 --> 00:02:30.242
B cause the penetration of the mouth of another person by the sexual organ of the actor without that person's content, or cause the sexual organ of another person without that person's consent to contact or penetrate the mouth, anus or sexual organ of another person, including the actor, or regardless of whether the person knows the age of the child at the time of the offense.

00:02:30.242 --> 00:02:42.453
The person intentionally or knowingly causes the penetration of the anus or sexual organ of a child by any means, and all that, then, of a child, if you know they're a child at the time or not.

00:02:44.725 --> 00:02:45.288
So penetration.

00:02:45.379 --> 00:02:49.371
Penetration with a sexual organ is sexual assault.

00:02:49.371 --> 00:02:51.527
So how should the church handle sexual assault?

00:02:51.527 --> 00:02:54.927
We would say we need the police involved.

00:02:55.911 --> 00:02:56.853
Right, totally.

00:02:57.300 --> 00:03:03.280
Because now this is where I'm not sure if I've ever shared.

00:03:03.379 --> 00:03:21.400
I actually think this came up on the last podcast that we did last week with Holland Gregg, where we talked about God's relationship to the government, God's relationship to the church, God's relationship to the family, and God has a unique relationship with each one of those entities, but those entities all cross over each other in one form or fashion.

00:03:21.400 --> 00:03:31.550
Obviously, the church should be speaking truth into the government, which is enforcing laws, and the laws that are created are to help the family flourish.

00:03:31.550 --> 00:03:34.709
And then the church also speaks into the family as well.

00:03:34.709 --> 00:03:39.590
So here I think, how should the church handle sexual assault?

00:03:39.590 --> 00:03:43.429
Tell the police If you see anything like this happen.

00:03:44.173 --> 00:03:46.502
You need, I mean yeah, that's pretty bad, though.

00:03:46.502 --> 00:03:47.925
I mean that is pretty bad.

00:03:47.925 --> 00:03:48.826
Well, yeah, but that.

00:03:48.826 --> 00:03:51.420
So sexual assault isn't that's what I mean.

00:03:51.441 --> 00:03:53.967
That's the question how should the church handle sexual?

00:03:53.967 --> 00:03:54.909
Assault it's horrible.

00:03:54.909 --> 00:03:59.054
And then sexual predators well, you send them to jail, right?

00:03:59.054 --> 00:04:05.407
I mean, if someone's committed a sexual assault yeah, there's, yeah see well, I mean, I mean they have to have due trial and all that.

00:04:05.427 --> 00:04:07.170
Yeah, that's fine, you get your justice.

00:04:07.270 --> 00:04:08.173
But let's go to this question.

00:04:08.173 --> 00:04:15.822
I think this one comes up and I shouldn't be irritated by this, because I think nobody knows this, but maybe because I hear it so much, I get irritated by it.

00:04:15.822 --> 00:04:46.860
So please forgive me, and it's this Whenever I go to a, whenever Adrian and I go to counseling or we go to the doctor, the person, I feel like they say this to make themselves feel more important, and I know that's probably not true, but they say you know, listen, there are certain things that I have to report as a mandatory reporter and I'm going to go.

00:04:46.860 --> 00:04:47.603
So everybody's a mandatory reporter.

00:04:47.603 --> 00:04:49.067
I don't even have a special credential and I'm a mandatory report.

00:04:49.067 --> 00:05:03.331
If you see a sexual assault and you don't say something, or you know of it happening and you don't do anything, then that you are failing to be the mandatory um reporter that all the state of Texas is.

00:05:03.572 --> 00:05:10.999
So, like the statute of limitations on that right, like what, if you hear about something that happened a year or two years ago, are you still supposed to report that?

00:05:12.264 --> 00:05:14.310
If you see it, you're a man.

00:05:14.310 --> 00:05:19.947
If someone tells you like, for example, someone says like I'm going to harm myself, you're a mandatory reporter.

00:05:19.947 --> 00:05:23.430
And if someone says like, someone.

00:05:23.560 --> 00:05:24.906
I'm going to shoot up the blah, blah, blah.

00:05:27.220 --> 00:05:36.543
You should, you should, your mandatory, mandatory report right on that somebody is is beating me and sexually attacking me, then you're like oh well, crud, I need to go and report that.

00:05:36.543 --> 00:05:37.545
That is like.

00:05:37.545 --> 00:05:49.232
Like, as a, this isn't just for counselors, this is for all people in the state of texas that you, if someone says I'm going to self-harm or I'm being currently harmed, then you need to demand.

00:05:49.271 --> 00:06:08.783
You're a mandatory reporter well, my gosh, I hope you would do that, if this is the definition of that, and you saw that my god, I would hope that you would report that you would be a sad person if you didn't report like harm, like that, right, um, yeah, so anyway, I just, I always, I always like get a little frustrated when I probably shouldn't.

00:06:08.783 --> 00:06:11.007
I'm not gonna get frustrated, I'm gonna.

00:06:11.007 --> 00:06:12.370
I'm gonna make sure that that.

00:06:12.370 --> 00:06:14.002
What do you get frustrated about?

00:06:14.002 --> 00:06:16.148
If someone doesn't like the person goes.

00:06:16.148 --> 00:06:18.463
Well, I'm a mandatory reporter, so I have to.

00:06:18.483 --> 00:06:21.254
Yeah, they're not like required to say that so are we?

00:06:21.334 --> 00:06:22.016
that's my point.

00:06:22.098 --> 00:06:28.206
No, I'm saying required required, as like a doctor, to officially say that because of their profession.

00:06:28.266 --> 00:06:31.901
As a texan, that's how awesome we are right, I don't walk around him.

00:06:31.920 --> 00:06:32.942
A mandatory reporter.

00:06:32.942 --> 00:06:35.569
What I'm saying is within their profession.

00:06:35.569 --> 00:06:38.103
Maybe they legally have to say that.

00:06:38.103 --> 00:06:38.666
Maybe that's it.

00:06:38.666 --> 00:06:40.035
Maybe I should be irritated, I don't know.

00:06:40.216 --> 00:06:43.125
Just you're right, right because I'm like, like where did that come?

00:06:43.125 --> 00:06:43.947
Like, why do you have have to tell me?

00:06:43.947 --> 00:06:48.350
Well, you know, as a mandatory reporter, maybe that's part of their training is that you have to say that.

00:06:49.641 --> 00:06:49.822
Also.

00:06:49.822 --> 00:06:50.625
So you're aware.

00:06:50.625 --> 00:06:53.829
So if there's something that you really don't want to say, don't say it.

00:06:54.281 --> 00:06:56.425
Right, okay, okay, all right, maybe I should get off my high horse.

00:06:56.500 --> 00:07:02.286
They're like, hey, fair warning here I it's like everybody in the state of Texas is a mandatory.

00:07:02.305 --> 00:07:09.512
It applies In fact, here's what it says Report that any person suspecting child abuse or neglect must immediately make a report.

00:07:09.512 --> 00:07:13.276
It applies to all individuals, not just teachers or healthcare professionals.

00:07:13.276 --> 00:07:22.769
Also covered suspected abuse, neglect or exploitation of elderly persons, persons with disabilities or those receiving services from a certain home and community-based providers.

00:07:23.139 --> 00:07:27.492
So that's the state of Texasxas yeah, well, this definitely puts out.

00:07:27.492 --> 00:07:47.567
Uh, hey, mind your own business yeah that doesn't exist in certain things, I guess, yeah, it is against the law not to um but then you also but that's another thing like hey, you saw someone beating the heck out of their wife and you report it, and then they could come and then she could say, no, I'm not pressing charges, and no, and then it's dropped.

00:07:47.567 --> 00:07:51.262
Right now you're a dirtbag, yeah exactly that's where it gets challenging.

00:07:51.343 --> 00:07:56.927
I don't know what you do about that, but that's what the law says that's interesting but again yeah I think here's what's weird.

00:07:56.927 --> 00:08:07.973
I don't know if you know this um, people have had the cops called on them for sending their nine-year-old to the park to play there's done okay, and this is where your frustration start.

00:08:08.012 --> 00:08:14.656
Like turns to me, where I get frustrated, where it's the dumbest things nowadays that, hey, I left my dog.

00:08:14.656 --> 00:08:16.019
I don't have a dog, so this isn't about me.

00:08:16.019 --> 00:08:27.026
I left my dog in the car, running full ac, with the windows down for to run into the store to grab milk and run out.

00:08:27.026 --> 00:08:32.191
The cops have been called, animal control has been called in there and you're like what in the world?

00:08:32.191 --> 00:08:33.020
Yeah, in what?

00:08:33.061 --> 00:08:33.601
world.

00:08:33.601 --> 00:08:44.427
So I guess you know, and I think this is why you have laws for the people who don't like, who don't have social awareness, and so you go the better safe than sorry.

00:08:44.427 --> 00:08:45.890
Sure, I mean, I agree.

00:08:45.890 --> 00:08:47.913
If I saw that I'd be like, oh no, worries, right.

00:08:47.913 --> 00:08:53.203
But if I saw the car off, I went over and looked at it, looked inside, that's a dude.

00:08:53.604 --> 00:08:54.585
Yeah, a hundred percent.

00:08:54.946 --> 00:09:00.871
So I, so I, I guess you just have those people who just are not the Karens of the world.

00:09:00.871 --> 00:09:02.572
Yeah, well, they just aren't socially aware people.

00:09:02.572 --> 00:09:09.888
And God you know, they're sweet people, I'm sure, but they don't know how to be socially aware, wouldn't you agree?

00:09:10.559 --> 00:09:11.062
Yeah, totally.

00:09:11.062 --> 00:09:15.826
But I think, to get back to the question at hand, how does the church handle sexual assault?

00:09:15.826 --> 00:09:20.884
I would just say the church doesn't right, they give it to the authorities at that point.

00:09:20.903 --> 00:09:26.851
Yeah, we as mandatory reporters yes since we're mandatory reporters.

00:09:26.871 --> 00:09:28.443
But again, that's like we're talking about.

00:09:28.443 --> 00:09:32.740
Like a, like a, like a slap on the butt, would you say that was sexual assault.

00:09:32.821 --> 00:09:33.865
Wow I don't know.

00:09:33.924 --> 00:09:44.408
It depends on the intent and that's what I was about to say, so that's not something that you would report yeah because that's something, one that's something you should handle with that person who did that.

00:09:44.408 --> 00:09:49.797
But if you saw that happen, you, you knowing that person, could be like, hey, are you okay?

00:09:49.797 --> 00:09:50.539
Was that real like you?

00:09:50.539 --> 00:09:51.301
Good, right.

00:09:51.301 --> 00:10:03.452
But again, I guess it depends on the scenario in the situation and knowing like what's going on so something like that should be handled by the church, you would say right what's that?

00:10:04.241 --> 00:10:09.471
like a slap on the butt or something, not literally a sexual assault as defined by the penal code.

00:10:09.491 --> 00:10:11.705
Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, that's where the church would come in.

00:10:11.705 --> 00:10:20.111
However, let's say, a person feels like that was sexual assault and they're going to run into the problem of they weren't penetrated or whatever.

00:10:20.111 --> 00:10:31.472
But if they take it to the police, then it becomes a police issue and then the church is moved out until it's decided it's not a church issue or not a police or government issue.

00:10:31.779 --> 00:10:34.269
I mean that could still be considered assault, though, right?

00:10:35.601 --> 00:10:38.200
Yeah, that could be, so that's assault.

00:10:38.340 --> 00:10:39.881
It would be like physical assault.

00:10:39.902 --> 00:11:02.740
Maybe Assault is intentionally, knowing or recklessly causing bodily injury to another, intentionally or knowingly threatening another with imminent bodily injury, including the person's spouse, or intentionally or knowingly causing physical contact with another when the person knows or should reasonably believe that the other regards the contact as offensive or provocative.

00:11:02.740 --> 00:11:07.067
So there, it's not sexual assault but that could be just straight assault.

00:11:09.360 --> 00:11:10.765
Yeah, you're not going to be a petty on that one.

00:11:10.765 --> 00:11:11.789
So that would be assault.

00:11:12.061 --> 00:11:13.533
And so that's where.

00:11:13.533 --> 00:11:29.673
Or sexual offense yeah, if that wouldn't be sexual assault, that would just be assault Because that's intentionally, or but it's intentionally, or knowingly caused physical contact with another when the person knows, or should reasonably believe, that the other regard that contact is offensive or provocative.

00:11:29.673 --> 00:11:36.750
So that's where, okay, someone grabs the butt and then the person then determines that it would be on them.

00:11:36.750 --> 00:11:45.833
Like, let's say, someone reports that then that person needs to say, hey, that person assaulted me.

00:11:46.480 --> 00:11:57.960
If it's assault, then Well, how do you argue like oh well, I didn't know that you wouldn't like that and I thought we had a thing going on, so I knowingly didn't do that as assault, I just did it to play with you.

00:11:58.019 --> 00:12:02.679
Well, if you really feel like it's assault, then you need to go to the police, because then that solves that.

00:12:02.679 --> 00:12:04.301
Then you need to go to the police because then that solves that.

00:12:04.301 --> 00:12:07.682
If you think it's just like a misunderstanding, then the church.

00:12:07.682 --> 00:12:09.943
This is where it goes from crime to not a crime.

00:12:09.943 --> 00:12:25.153
Right, it's a crime if the person says this person intentionally or knowingly caused physical contact with me when they should know or reasonably know that I would see that as offensive or provocative.

00:12:25.153 --> 00:12:28.173
And I think that's the now.

00:12:28.173 --> 00:12:34.717
The jury at that point would have to say did you know that this would be offensive or provocative?

00:12:34.717 --> 00:12:38.744
And then the person would have to reasonably argue, Because you could go.

00:12:38.764 --> 00:12:43.282
I walked by and like just accidentally, like hit the butt, I didn't slap it, I just walked by.

00:12:43.282 --> 00:12:45.710
And actually, who, without a witness?

00:12:45.710 --> 00:12:47.383
How?

00:12:47.383 --> 00:12:47.965
Who's that's a?

00:12:47.965 --> 00:12:53.490
He said, she said, he, he, whatever, one against the other word on word of this is what happened.

00:12:53.490 --> 00:12:56.246
How do you even right.

00:12:56.648 --> 00:13:00.831
So but let's just say you have a witness, yeah, Well, then you're up creek.

00:13:00.831 --> 00:13:07.437
Then you have a witness, Then that person and it's assault, and let's say they go hey, did you do that?

00:13:07.437 --> 00:13:10.604
And they go, yeah, I did that and you like it.

00:13:10.604 --> 00:13:12.807
Well, then now we've got a crime.

00:13:12.807 --> 00:13:19.964
If they go, oh crud, I didn't even know I hit you or I'm sorry, Then you don't have a crime and you don't have assault.

00:13:21.647 --> 00:13:25.413
The question is this is where Is that how a person reacts Like the offender?

00:13:26.279 --> 00:13:26.543
So here's the.

00:13:26.562 --> 00:13:27.251
I'm just reading what the law says.

00:13:27.251 --> 00:13:27.534
Yeah, for sure.

00:13:27.554 --> 00:13:40.913
This is where like, intentionally or knowingly causes physical contact with another when the person knows or should reasonably believe that the other regards the contact as offensive or provocative.

00:13:40.913 --> 00:13:48.202
So it's assault if you don't want to be touched and you've made that clear, and the person touches okay question.

00:13:48.703 --> 00:13:53.962
So we're dudes and, like we're playing the sport, I don't want my butt touched or slapped.

00:13:53.962 --> 00:14:00.201
But we all know in sports dudes slap each other on the butts hey, great job hey, good game pop.

00:14:00.201 --> 00:14:11.645
Well, if I did not want to be touched like that, technically, couldn't I say, hey, I'm gonna call the police because that's salt brother.

00:14:11.645 --> 00:14:17.605
Yeah, I mean technically, but then you would argue in the trial it would go.

00:14:17.605 --> 00:14:19.450
Let's talk about your personality.

00:14:19.490 --> 00:14:21.583
Let's talk about your character.

00:14:21.583 --> 00:14:23.269
Right, have you been known to?

00:14:23.269 --> 00:14:25.196
Uh, butt slap is that.

00:14:25.196 --> 00:14:25.456
Are you?

00:14:25.456 --> 00:14:26.078
Have you been?

00:14:26.078 --> 00:14:27.485
Known to are you the butt slapper?

00:14:27.807 --> 00:14:29.815
on the team, I mean yeah, and then and then.

00:14:29.855 --> 00:14:31.863
Have people told you before that they didn't like that?

00:14:31.903 --> 00:14:43.188
I'm just thinking outside the box here that the way that you read that and, uh, like things that happen that technically could be something that somebody could yeah, but that's, that's so weird.

00:14:43.509 --> 00:14:53.173
So when it goes to, I think this is the part where, when the person takes it to the government for trial, right it's taken out of the church's hands.

00:14:53.379 --> 00:15:02.003
That's right until that point, though, until it's like said, this is assault, it's in the church's hands, right um.

00:15:02.003 --> 00:15:05.931
So to the question, though, is asking sexual assault.

00:15:05.931 --> 00:15:11.980
But we can go down this road, I think it's how should the church handle sexual assault and sexual predators within the congregation?

00:15:11.980 --> 00:15:16.013
Well, so to sexual assault, like you report.

00:15:16.013 --> 00:15:21.962
That that's bad, and it's really specific what that sexual assault is Sexual predators.

00:15:21.962 --> 00:15:25.892
We actually have a policy at our church about this.

00:15:26.421 --> 00:15:28.186
What is how do you define sexual predator?

00:15:28.225 --> 00:15:32.994
Is that like someone who's somebody that was guilty of assault, I think past tense Cause predator.

00:15:33.033 --> 00:15:35.201
sounds more like they're actively praying.

00:15:35.221 --> 00:15:36.764
They already predator, dude.

00:15:37.447 --> 00:15:40.634
Um okay, so here's, what a sex like you know.

00:15:41.763 --> 00:15:43.606
You know what is a sexual predator.

00:15:43.606 --> 00:15:45.812
It's someone who associates with children.

00:15:45.812 --> 00:15:51.613
A sexual predator with a particular interest in children may show a preference for associating with grade school, middle school or high school age children.

00:15:51.613 --> 00:15:55.650
They may have few friendships of their own age or have unusually close friendships with children.

00:15:55.650 --> 00:15:57.645
They create dependency.

00:15:57.645 --> 00:16:01.772
The sexual predator may begin manipulating their chosen victim to create dependency and intimacy.

00:16:01.772 --> 00:16:06.794
In the beginning they may be very attentive, showering the individual with gifts, praise, phone calls and texts.

00:16:06.794 --> 00:16:09.844
This creates a feeling the victim that the perpetrator has a special bond with them.

00:16:09.844 --> 00:16:11.248
Okay, the next thing.

00:16:11.268 --> 00:16:16.714
So it's more like grooming and everything associated with that, not just the actions themselves.

00:16:16.734 --> 00:16:17.235
Well, hold on.

00:16:17.235 --> 00:16:20.346
Using manipulative language, you may notice a potential sexual player.

00:16:20.346 --> 00:16:23.927
Using manipulative language, they may insult or mock the victim on their behavior, appearance, clothes, friends or other parts of personal life.

00:16:23.927 --> 00:16:26.897
When challenged of this behavior, they may insult or mock the victim on their behavior, appearance, clothes, friends or other parts of personal life.

00:16:26.897 --> 00:16:30.649
When challenged of this behavior, they may lie and twist the information, making the victim feel as though they were at fault.

00:16:30.649 --> 00:16:39.490
So gaslighting, they may repeatedly focus on their own feelings in order to make the victim feel guilty for hurting them or pushing physical and sexual boundaries.

00:16:39.971 --> 00:16:42.301
Sexual predators may push past healthy boundaries.

00:16:42.301 --> 00:16:53.936
Their behavior may begin with something innocent touches on the back, hand or leg, but it may escalate to inappropriate touching on the thigh, near the genital, on the breast or even fondling the person without consent.

00:16:53.936 --> 00:16:59.331
If the predator is already in a relationship with the victim, they may cross pre-established boundaries or fail to ask for consent.

00:16:59.331 --> 00:17:03.171
They may use manipulation to push the person to carry out tasks they are not comfortable with.

00:17:03.171 --> 00:17:07.089
Or, and then the last one, expressing jealousy and controlling behavior.

00:17:07.089 --> 00:17:36.863
So all of these that I'm dealing with here are usually dealing with children who don't have the ability to say hey, that, that I didn't like that, but I do think you know, adult to adult, there might be a time when a dude does, does something and the woman feels some sort of way about it, but it's it's really, it's on her like, because if the guy is being a sexual predator that's a problem.

00:17:37.624 --> 00:17:37.804
Um and.

00:17:39.547 --> 00:17:45.471
It's a real issue and you wouldn't want that at your church at all and you wouldn't want that person in leadership.

00:17:45.471 --> 00:17:48.253
You wouldn't want that, especially around children.

00:17:48.253 --> 00:17:50.753
I mean, that's where you're like get no.

00:17:51.685 --> 00:17:56.700
Okay, if someone comes in and they are registered, they have to tell you correct.

00:17:57.019 --> 00:18:03.635
Yes, okay, yeah, a person that's a registered sex offender legally they're supposed to tell you if they come to church or whatever.

00:18:03.635 --> 00:18:04.939
Now they don't.

00:18:05.585 --> 00:18:13.980
I think the character of somebody coming in here saying just from the get-go hey, this is who I am, like this happened.

00:18:13.980 --> 00:18:23.499
That's more impressive than somebody that was registered that would come in and completely ignore it and not say anything at all because no one would know.

00:18:24.119 --> 00:18:27.714
Right Well, there's three types of sex offenders Tier 1, tier 2, Tier 3.

00:18:27.714 --> 00:18:49.095
Tier 3 is the worst, tier 1 is the least worst and if it's Tier 1, you're only on the registered sex offender list for a certain period of time and we have it as all RSOs registered sex offenders must report in and then be escorted by a pastor, staff, deacon, somebody and not be around children, because we want to obviously protect children because they don't have a voice.

00:18:50.146 --> 00:19:08.613
um, so, yeah, I, I think that that's a big deal, um does each um, each person that comes in and says like I'm a, I'm registered, do you talk to that person and hear each like case, like each story of what happened from each person?

00:19:08.653 --> 00:19:09.275
It's online.

00:19:09.275 --> 00:19:15.270
So whenever they tell you you go, okay, look it up and it has all the details, sure.

00:19:15.592 --> 00:19:25.287
But I mean, would you if somebody came and told you, hey, would you like want to like have a like full on, kind of like an interview process of a conversation, just to fill that person out?

00:19:25.386 --> 00:19:29.517
yeah, we actually have that exact thing on our registered sex offender policy.

00:19:29.517 --> 00:19:31.067
I know that everybody wants to read it.

00:19:31.067 --> 00:19:41.606
Uh, in fact, we have an entire um uh questions that we're required to ask and this is where we would say as a pastor here at wells branch community church, I'm required to ask you these questions.

00:19:41.606 --> 00:19:45.017
Are you willing to discuss what resulted in you being under RSO status?

00:19:45.017 --> 00:19:48.275
If yes, express appreciation for the willingness to talk about the difficult subject.

00:19:48.275 --> 00:19:59.316
If no, affirm their willingness to know their limits, but make clear that we ask they may not attend Wells Branch Community Church events or services until they affirm and submit to this policy, which includes this interview.

00:19:59.316 --> 00:20:04.817
So we've really done a lot of work here in that.

00:20:04.916 --> 00:20:18.557
So if somebody's a registered sex offender, because that would be such a bummer if somebody was like somewhat innocent and was maybe like peeing by a park or made a bad decision right, doing something dumb, yeah, and I think if there's a, that's why the tears are, tell us.

00:20:18.557 --> 00:20:21.006
Yeah, the tears are so important you.

00:20:21.026 --> 00:20:23.109
Can, you know, listen, I'm not going to take any chances.

00:20:23.109 --> 00:20:29.671
Yeah, I'm sure you peed on the playground or whatever during non-school hours and you had to take a leak.

00:20:29.671 --> 00:20:41.133
I understand what we're going to do is, whenever the six months or whatever, we'll remove you from the list and then you'll go back on to full ability to serve in whatever capacity, because you're now no longer a threat.

00:20:41.644 --> 00:20:44.551
Yeah, but those tears matter because you're now no longer a threat.

00:20:44.551 --> 00:20:45.776
Yeah, but those tears matter.

00:20:45.776 --> 00:20:46.196
They do.

00:20:46.196 --> 00:20:47.319
Oh, they're huge, that's a big deal.

00:20:47.319 --> 00:20:49.982
That's why it's that makes sense to me and I'm so thankful that there's tears.

00:20:50.002 --> 00:20:51.107
Yeah, yeah, the tier three.

00:20:51.107 --> 00:20:53.369
Once you're tier three, you're on the list for life.

00:20:53.369 --> 00:20:54.847
And there's no, you're on there.

00:20:55.547 --> 00:20:58.627
Is there something that prompted Wells Branch making this policy?

00:20:58.647 --> 00:21:11.810
Yeah, we had a guy going here that we didn't know, and then we got like a, it was such okay, we got a secret letter and the person wouldn't tell us who it was, and they sent it like a.

00:21:11.810 --> 00:21:26.394
It was one of those things where they left the letter on my desk and they folded up the RSO's status and then, like, highlighted the name and said this person's at our church and I can't come to this church because this person's here.

00:21:26.394 --> 00:21:28.478
And I'm like, oh my gosh, the person will.

00:21:28.478 --> 00:21:33.555
Of course I didn't know how they knew, or whatever, but then we pulled out and we're like, oh gosh, when you go talk to this guy.

00:21:33.555 --> 00:21:38.428
And then we he was very understanding, he was really gracious with it.

00:21:38.428 --> 00:21:44.239
Um, he actually built the floor in your office, is he still around.

00:21:46.166 --> 00:21:46.386
No.

00:21:46.666 --> 00:21:47.347
Horrible job.

00:21:47.347 --> 00:21:48.829
Yeah, he's been gone for like five years.

00:21:48.890 --> 00:21:52.013
You said it was required that they tell you and he didn't.

00:21:52.013 --> 00:21:56.638
So is that a mandatory report status there, or what?

00:21:56.638 --> 00:21:57.299
Because?

00:21:57.319 --> 00:21:58.461
that's a crime right.

00:21:58.461 --> 00:22:00.371
Yeah, like you can't do that.

00:22:00.371 --> 00:22:01.381
So we said hey, listen, you can't.

00:22:01.984 --> 00:22:03.349
But you didn't call their parole officer or anything like that.

00:22:03.349 --> 00:22:04.574
We didn't know anything back then.

00:22:04.704 --> 00:22:06.172
That's when we were just figuring it out, okay?

00:22:06.172 --> 00:22:11.150
So at that point, that's where we said, hey, we need to make a policy about this stuff, and so that's what we made.

00:22:11.150 --> 00:22:18.118
It's on our website now, but it was published in January 13th of 2020.

00:22:18.118 --> 00:22:23.740
It's so crazy how in the church world that there's things that you would never think about would be an issue.

00:22:23.740 --> 00:22:32.103
And then they become an issue and there is no policy or plan and you're like what is our plan on or policy on this?

00:22:32.103 --> 00:22:41.424
So you actually have to sit and figure it out and talk it through yeah and yeah it was, that was a yeah, that's tough, yeah, that's really tough because we were like we don't want to.

00:22:41.464 --> 00:22:43.647
Just I know how else these people going to get saved.

00:22:45.711 --> 00:22:47.554
That's where it's hard for the church.

00:22:47.554 --> 00:22:51.679
If it was just a public entity, hey, see ya Get out of here.

00:22:51.679 --> 00:22:52.621
This is ridiculous.

00:22:55.865 --> 00:22:59.015
But being the church and being here for the broken, and I think that's why we have policies in place.

00:22:59.015 --> 00:23:01.173
And the question how do you protect women and children?

00:23:01.173 --> 00:23:09.597
We protect women and children by making sure that, like in our children's ministry, you don't have anyone alone with a child.

00:23:10.299 --> 00:23:10.480
Yeah.

00:23:11.527 --> 00:23:19.832
So let's say someone drops their kid off early and there's only one person there We'd say, hey, you can't drop off yet.

00:23:19.832 --> 00:23:24.045
Unless you're willing to stay here, then obviously it's not dropping them off.

00:23:24.045 --> 00:23:31.851
Uh, and until another children's ministry worker comes, or something, because we can't have your child alone in a classroom with just one adult.

00:23:32.531 --> 00:23:38.810
Um, and it's our policy that everyone's involved with children get a background check.

00:23:39.030 --> 00:23:44.406
Yeah, right, you gotta have a background check and you can't be on tier one, tier two, two or tier three.

00:23:44.406 --> 00:23:52.053
No tiers, no tier background check and honestly, I think we have it.

00:23:52.053 --> 00:23:56.355
If you're a convicted felon, you don't get to certain period of time.

00:23:56.355 --> 00:23:58.597
We had Eddie Franz.

00:23:58.597 --> 00:23:59.699
Do you remember him?

00:23:59.699 --> 00:24:07.873
He used to work in our children's ministry, eddie Franz.

00:24:07.873 --> 00:24:12.114
Yeah he wasn't the children, he wouldn't do it in the classroom, he just did the front desk.

00:24:12.114 --> 00:24:13.396
Yeah, and that was great.

00:24:14.006 --> 00:24:16.594
Well, you say not for a certain amount of time.

00:24:16.594 --> 00:24:17.296
What does that mean?

00:24:17.296 --> 00:24:19.413
Like, eventually, the church gets comfortable with the person Until you know the guy.

00:24:19.413 --> 00:24:20.980
It's comfortable with the person Until you know the guy.

00:24:21.204 --> 00:24:22.632
Like, let's say it's a felony.

00:24:22.632 --> 00:24:24.412
I think, like his was a drug felony.

00:24:24.412 --> 00:24:25.667
So we didn't.

00:24:25.667 --> 00:24:31.971
We were like, oh, he's clearly beyond this and so, no, he never did.

00:24:31.971 --> 00:24:33.592
But I would be okay with that.

00:24:33.592 --> 00:24:39.136
You know, from someone having like something, 15, it'd be like what, 20 years ago now, or something.

00:24:39.136 --> 00:24:45.301
Yeah, like you're like okay, I think some time has passed, I think we can kind of move on, and you've seen their character.

00:24:45.342 --> 00:24:45.883
That's what I'm saying.

00:24:45.883 --> 00:24:56.551
Talking to somebody and like being around them and being with them, you get to know someone's true character, right, but really a character is who you are when no one is looking.

00:24:57.294 --> 00:25:00.334
Well, yeah, yeah, but I mean, if that's in their past, it's just interesting.

00:25:00.374 --> 00:25:07.127
Yeah, if that's a great pass, it's interesting.

00:25:07.127 --> 00:25:09.654
Yeah, if that's way in their past, I mean, like man, how long are we going to hold it over somebody?

00:25:09.654 --> 00:25:14.888
That's correct, you know, getting caught for smoking weed or whatever or doing whatever, yeah, yeah, so, yeah, so I think you know you most.

00:25:14.888 --> 00:25:26.115
I don't know if we've ever had anybody, um, you know, like want to do children's ministry and then we're like no, oh, it's because you came back as a whatever.

00:25:26.115 --> 00:25:30.340
And Eddie told us like hey, I can't, I can't serve in children's ministry.

00:25:30.340 --> 00:25:32.349
You don't, like, I don't want to even get back there.

00:25:32.349 --> 00:25:34.957
I don't want to cause any issue, but I can do to check in, no problem.

00:25:36.348 --> 00:25:38.055
So he was really great, he's awesome.

00:25:39.065 --> 00:25:42.170
Yeah, so, yeah, yeah.

00:25:42.170 --> 00:25:48.259
So our RSO policy is on our website, which that's the way we protect the church.

00:25:48.805 --> 00:25:56.680
And again, though, having security in the front background, checking all of the volunteers.

00:25:57.085 --> 00:25:59.792
And we have a patrol right now that sort of roves the area.

00:25:59.992 --> 00:26:02.028
Yeah, I mean Knowing that.

00:26:02.664 --> 00:26:03.047
Yeah, roves the area.

00:26:03.047 --> 00:26:15.654
Yeah, just I mean knowing that, yeah, yeah, but I guess what I don't want to create is like this fear that you know, at any moment, your kid's gonna be like messed with right um, dude, and that's unfortunate in the world we live in.

00:26:16.719 --> 00:26:43.088
It could be anywhere and that's so sad, but you want everyone to feel so comfortable I know, and I think the problem is like sexual assaults are less now than they were 30 years ago, but they're way more publicized now because people I mean and you know- well, you can look, you can, you could look people up exactly where they are on your phone and computer and you can stuff all over the place and out of the millions and millions of people there's, there's bound to be something that goes wrong and off.

00:26:43.790 --> 00:26:43.911
Um.

00:26:43.911 --> 00:26:45.512
So I'm not excusing it.

00:26:45.512 --> 00:26:53.075
I just don't want us to sort of walk around in fear everywhere we go, because I think teaching your kids stranger danger all the time is not good either.

00:26:53.384 --> 00:26:54.508
So I have two questions.

00:26:54.508 --> 00:27:02.496
So you said, or this one dude who didn't announce that he was a sex offender, is that the only time we've had someone at the church?

00:27:02.556 --> 00:27:07.118
No, someone did tell me that he was a sex offender, that the only time we've had someone at the church no, someone did tell, tell me that he was a sex offender.

00:27:07.118 --> 00:27:10.401
And he's like I'm not gonna ever be around the children, I'm just gonna come to service, I'm just gonna leave.

00:27:10.401 --> 00:27:13.843
And we didn't know about that early on.

00:27:13.843 --> 00:27:25.671
Like that was back in like 2013, um, and then like, and then he disappeared over a period of time and then when we moved here to this building, he was working at papa john's, which is kind of interesting.

00:27:26.512 --> 00:27:26.973
Um, yeah.

00:27:26.973 --> 00:27:37.332
So second question now if another one of these registered sex offenders comes to the church, like is this something we need to tell the congregation, like the parents especially.

00:27:37.332 --> 00:27:40.439
Like hey, this guy was involved in xyz.

00:27:41.027 --> 00:27:43.936
Like I assume most parents would want to know that right.

00:27:43.936 --> 00:27:45.843
An RSO would be escorted all over the place.

00:27:45.843 --> 00:27:48.292
Right, so he wouldn't even to the bathroom.

00:27:48.292 --> 00:27:49.071
That's where it's.

00:27:50.305 --> 00:27:53.555
So you're saying that we wouldn't let people know, correct?

00:27:53.835 --> 00:28:13.477
No, but the only way to let people know is either send out a mass email or stand the guy in the front of the church and be like Law of shame yeah we're going to do the walk of shame, but if an elder or deacon or staff members following that guy around the entire service right Might be able to figure it out.

00:28:14.018 --> 00:28:18.373
Yeah, Um but, yeah, it sounds like the church has a lot in place to safeguard.

00:28:18.432 --> 00:28:22.092
Yeah, I mean I don't, I don't think we could be ever be perfect about it.

00:28:22.092 --> 00:28:30.911
You it, You're trying to manage protection with grace and we have rules for even it, because some of our associates have their own children.

00:28:30.911 --> 00:28:31.974
What do you do with that?

00:28:31.974 --> 00:28:36.609
Well, we address that in our oh yeah, that's a good point.

00:28:36.750 --> 00:28:37.373
Yeah, what if they have kids?

00:28:37.373 --> 00:28:37.554
Yeah.

00:28:38.125 --> 00:28:39.390
And so they can drop them off.

00:28:39.390 --> 00:28:40.554
But then they can't go back.

00:28:40.554 --> 00:28:43.568
They have to drop them off with the front desk person and the front desk person.

00:28:43.568 --> 00:28:44.750
The front desk person walks them back.

00:28:45.111 --> 00:28:46.973
Yeah, oh yeah, that makes sense.

00:28:48.215 --> 00:28:48.375
Yeah.

00:28:48.576 --> 00:28:48.916
It's great.

00:28:48.957 --> 00:28:58.125
So, um, yeah, and you know we want them to be involved in ministry, but they'd have to be involved in the ministry where it would be not around kids.

00:28:58.125 --> 00:29:11.398
So you'd have to talk to the community group pastor, which in this case is me, uh, talk to the community group pastor, which in this case is me, uh, and I would say, oh well, if you're a man, then you can go to the men's group on Tuesday morning, cause you're not coming around any kids.

00:29:11.398 --> 00:29:12.221
That works like a perfect spot.

00:29:12.241 --> 00:29:16.452
Yay, yeah, I mean, I think that's the part where we do have a guy who brings his kids to men's group.

00:29:16.452 --> 00:29:17.275
That's why I say that.

00:29:17.355 --> 00:29:24.625
Oh really, oh fun fact.

00:29:24.625 --> 00:29:25.711
I mean, I don't know, know they're age six, young, okay.

00:29:25.731 --> 00:29:27.942
Well then we'd say like, hey, this is a men's group, and you'd probably be like probably more your group, right?

00:29:27.961 --> 00:29:37.893
yeah, my group wouldn't work because that's at my house yeah, it's at his house, so he has kids, so it wouldn't work well, yeah, it's like oh well yeah, yeah, so it'd be.

00:29:37.992 --> 00:29:41.565
Like I'd be like, hey, if that ever happened it would be, it would be at the church.

00:29:41.565 --> 00:29:42.906
I'm like, hey, this is the one for kids.

00:29:42.906 --> 00:29:48.431
Yeah, so, yeah, all right, so do we answer all the questions on that?

00:29:48.431 --> 00:29:51.073
I think that it's a pretty fascinating sort of topic.

00:29:51.073 --> 00:29:56.478
How should the church handle sexual assault Talked about that, and the sexual predators within the congregation?

00:29:56.478 --> 00:30:03.707
Like, yeah, and nobody knows that they're not called sexual predators, they're called registered sex offenders.

00:30:03.707 --> 00:30:07.817
But I guess the question would be what if it's a sexual predator within the church?

00:30:07.817 --> 00:30:14.695
What do you do if you see somebody grooming somebody?

00:30:16.728 --> 00:30:19.375
Man, I think you need to go to leadership.

00:30:19.826 --> 00:30:20.971
Or you go Matthew 18.

00:30:20.971 --> 00:30:23.815
You go hey man, that's weird yeah or call them out.

00:30:23.815 --> 00:30:25.951
Yeah, I think what you do is Matthew 18.

00:30:25.971 --> 00:30:27.016
18 you first go to that person.

00:30:27.036 --> 00:30:28.765
You know how do you handle sexual predator.

00:30:29.086 --> 00:30:41.009
So a sexual predator is someone who's trying to make a move on a kid and you go, all right I mean I disagree with this first off, like just going to that guy by himself he can be like, oh, I'm sorry, and then keep doing it and you might not see it.

00:30:41.069 --> 00:30:43.895
I mean, but, I mean, but, but let let, that sounds very dangerous.

00:30:44.037 --> 00:30:44.557
Put it that way.

00:30:44.557 --> 00:30:47.087
What do you mean Matthew 18?

00:30:47.087 --> 00:30:53.535
Is you're supposed to approach this person one-on-one, right, like hey, I saw you grooming this kid, you better stop.

00:30:53.535 --> 00:30:54.065
And he's like, okay, sorry.

00:30:54.065 --> 00:30:56.153
And then does it somewhere where you can't see it.

00:30:56.153 --> 00:30:58.027
That sounds very dangerous, right.

00:30:58.288 --> 00:31:00.431
No, Okay, but what else do you do?

00:31:00.431 --> 00:31:00.891
You don't just.

00:31:00.891 --> 00:31:04.036
What are you going to do, Like get everybody there for like a aha, I caught you.

00:31:04.056 --> 00:31:04.355
I don't know.

00:31:04.375 --> 00:31:04.655
What do you?

00:31:04.676 --> 00:31:06.900
do Report to police A sting operation.

00:31:07.059 --> 00:31:07.420
I don't know.

00:31:09.224 --> 00:31:14.295
A grooming activity would be like him coming up and saying, like that's where I go back to, what those yeah what is grooming?

00:31:14.295 --> 00:31:23.137
Well, yeah, if you knew that, then you call the police.

00:31:23.137 --> 00:31:31.914
But if you, if I think the hard thing is like someone who you don't know, because if the guy hasn't been convicted yet it's still, he's still potentially be doing something what do you do?

00:31:32.296 --> 00:31:36.073
well, I mean, you said that the dude was grooming, so I guess what does that mean?

00:31:36.093 --> 00:31:42.071
so yeah, sexual predator with particular interest may show a preference for associated with grade school, middle school or high school age children.

00:31:42.071 --> 00:31:46.759
So you go like let's say it's a 50 year old man, he's hanging out with a teenager.

00:31:46.759 --> 00:31:48.749
You go, hey, a teenager.

00:31:48.749 --> 00:31:57.708
Let's just say it's a 50 year old man, not involved in the student ministry, no authority to church, but he all, he's always going up to the 15 year old kids and going like, hey guys, what's going on?

00:31:57.708 --> 00:31:59.932
Um want to hang out later.

00:31:59.932 --> 00:32:06.426
That's where you'd be like hey want to hang out later.

00:32:06.446 --> 00:32:09.900
That's where you'd be like hey, I mean I, I'd still let leadership know if it were me personally, at the very least, so people are aware.

00:32:09.900 --> 00:32:11.444
That's where it's tough.

00:32:11.444 --> 00:32:14.030
Okay, this is where it gets a little bit weird.

00:32:14.030 --> 00:32:24.623
Like what if there's a guy that was in your church for since, like you were a kid and he was there and you've known him your whole life?

00:32:24.623 --> 00:32:31.077
He just never got married, never did this, and now he's old, older, and then he's just been around.

00:32:31.077 --> 00:32:33.794
You have a kid now.

00:32:33.794 --> 00:32:37.204
Your kid comes around, he talks to your kid or hangs out or it's just around.

00:32:37.204 --> 00:32:38.587
Where does it get to?

00:32:38.587 --> 00:32:39.108
Where?

00:32:39.390 --> 00:32:41.093
isn't it's like that's weird.

00:32:41.173 --> 00:32:42.998
You should, but you have that feeling.

00:32:43.057 --> 00:32:46.752
Yeah, I guess the problem is like yeah, let's say somebody's been here for 30 years.

00:32:46.752 --> 00:32:49.970
You, to your knowledge, they've never done anything weird.

00:32:49.970 --> 00:32:53.306
Right, they're talking to somebody in the middle of church, you just leave that alone.

00:32:53.326 --> 00:33:02.593
But then if they like, if they start like cornering a kid or like sure you're doing, becoming a close talker yeah, I think I think you would be aware you would know that's what I mean.

00:33:02.593 --> 00:33:03.575
I think I think you would it would.

00:33:03.575 --> 00:33:04.356
You would know that's what I mean.

00:33:04.356 --> 00:33:05.238
I think it would be pretty obvious.

00:33:05.258 --> 00:33:06.279
That's what I'm saying.

00:33:06.279 --> 00:33:09.454
If it's obvious like that, then I'm definitely going to leadership.

00:33:09.454 --> 00:33:10.750
I'm not approaching the guy one-on-one.

00:33:12.747 --> 00:33:13.857
I'm going to go on this.

00:33:13.857 --> 00:33:15.789
Look at that guy right Like hey dude, what's up?

00:33:15.789 --> 00:33:17.692
Oh, I didn't even notice I was doing that.

00:33:17.692 --> 00:33:28.278
But then does he know he could be able to explain like hey, I was just telling that kid like, um, if he ever touches my car again, yeah, I'm gonna be here, I'm gonna make sure I tell your parents.

00:33:28.278 --> 00:33:32.061
Oh, my bad, but you have no idea what he was saying or doing.

00:33:32.142 --> 00:33:35.628
I, I that's how I'm just, but then does that make your relationship with that person weird.

00:33:35.628 --> 00:33:47.376
If they were being like, then you have to go back again and be like, hey, I'm sorry I didn't mean, yeah, I'd be like I'm just trying, I just know little bobby over there and he's, you know he he's more susceptible.

00:33:47.376 --> 00:33:52.974
I don't know yeah, I would, always for me, I would.

00:33:53.636 --> 00:34:07.854
I don't mind approaching, but I would also let I think someone else know if they're, if they're pushing sexual boundaries I think the talking in church, I think it's the only thing, but pushing sexual boundaries, like you see them putting their hand on their leg or put their hand on their back.

00:34:08.085 --> 00:34:09.632
Well, it's going to get again.

00:34:09.632 --> 00:34:20.231
If I saw someone like put their hand on a child's private part, I'm probably not saying anything, I'm probably just swinging.

00:34:20.231 --> 00:34:22.751
Then I'm going to get under assault, but that's fine.

00:34:22.853 --> 00:34:25.572
It's for the kid, yeah, but I don't think.

00:34:25.572 --> 00:34:30.233
I think it's just like he puts his hand on the shoulder and it's a little bit too weird.

00:34:30.585 --> 00:34:59.375
So I remember in high school there was this guy gosh, I'm trying to make sure I say this right so it doesn't get out to anyways there's this girl and she had a stepdad and I always got this weird vibe about it like, just, I just thought it was weird and like they she'd be sitting there and he'd like, come on her like rubber shoulders and I was like that's kind of weird.

00:35:00.056 --> 00:35:13.217
Anyways, way later he actually tried bust and move on this person and for me I was like called it, I knew it, what a weirdo freak.

00:35:13.217 --> 00:35:22.826
Like knew it and the other people were like I can't believe this, this is I never in a millionaire's and I'm just like how did you, how did you not like you didn't think any of that was weird?

00:35:22.826 --> 00:35:24.349
Well, that was, that's his daughter.

00:35:24.349 --> 00:35:36.956
I was like technically stepdaughter, but I mean, it's just like you know, you just sometimes, you just know, and sometimes, being at church, you you put blinders on and you're like man, they're at church and we're here.

00:35:36.956 --> 00:35:41.338
So no, they're not doing that, we're just overlooking or overthinking it.

00:35:41.338 --> 00:35:48.396
And you have to be really careful in situations and scenarios because you don't really know, I don't know.

00:35:48.436 --> 00:35:58.119
That's hard, it's hard, yeah okay, well, yeah, I think, I think I, yeah, I would go first to the guy.

00:35:58.119 --> 00:36:05.536
If it was an obvious like crotch grab or something, then I would go to leadership and we'd kind of make a move.

00:36:05.704 --> 00:36:09.416
Well, you said, the dude in your example corners a youth or whatever.

00:36:09.416 --> 00:36:11.672
I mean is that are you approaching that person?

00:36:11.672 --> 00:36:13.873
Yeah, I'd go one-on-one with that guy.

00:36:15.264 --> 00:36:15.989
I would, and it's how you approach it.

00:36:15.989 --> 00:36:16.893
I just don't know what they're talking about.

00:36:16.893 --> 00:36:17.094
I want to.

00:36:17.094 --> 00:36:17.697
I'd go one-on-one with that guy.

00:36:17.697 --> 00:36:18.201
It's how you approach it.

00:36:18.221 --> 00:36:19.045
She's like you good, I want to go find out.

00:36:19.826 --> 00:36:22.969
Do you come into that situation, lighthearted, be like what are y'all talking about?

00:36:22.969 --> 00:36:23.893
What are we doing over here?

00:36:25.324 --> 00:36:34.336
And then if the kid looks like, he's like help you go hmm, or if the kid's like we're working on our, you know.

00:36:34.965 --> 00:36:40.351
This is my favorite part about your oldest son, because he's a lot like me and our facial expressions are just ridiculous.

00:36:40.351 --> 00:36:47.902
And Austin would be the one that's like, like, look at you like big eyed, like get the heck away from me.

00:36:48.041 --> 00:36:59.286
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah that's a new saying oh, it's great oh gosh, all right, yeah, yeah, what else, what other questions you got?

00:36:59.286 --> 00:37:08.893
Uh, I mean, I guess y'all as parents like, are you teaching your kids anything about how to identify, avoid, be aware of?

00:37:09.134 --> 00:37:09.996
this sort of thing.

00:37:09.996 --> 00:37:29.141
Yeah, I think for us early on we've kind of gone through like private parts are private, only person that can touch you there is a doctor and mom and dad, that's I don't even think we've done doctor, because I mean he's only about before yeah but we're like family, like family, and then he's like we had.

00:37:29.181 --> 00:37:30.945
Then we have to be careful about who's family.

00:37:30.945 --> 00:37:37.978
So we're like mom and dad, lollipop, crazy, right winky, right Winky.

00:37:37.978 --> 00:37:38.878
You know who's winky?

00:37:38.878 --> 00:37:39.840
My sister Whitney.

00:37:40.101 --> 00:37:41.784
Oh gosh, that's hilarious.

00:37:42.365 --> 00:37:44.692
So that's where it gets kind of weird.

00:37:44.692 --> 00:37:47.849
And they're in the like you we've talked about this before.

00:37:47.849 --> 00:37:49.951
They're kids and they're like, especially boys.

00:37:49.951 --> 00:37:51.375
They're like check this thing out.

00:37:51.434 --> 00:37:55.311
Yeah, they love playing with their penis it gets so weird yeah, it's big.

00:37:55.311 --> 00:38:08.411
Uh, hey, look, it's big now and you're like stop that, stop stop oh, don't do that stop, get everyone out of the bath, everybody out of that, because we bathe all four of them together for the longest time until eventually.

00:38:08.411 --> 00:38:11.617
I was like stop touching each other.

00:38:11.617 --> 00:38:14.108
This is ridiculous and they think it's so funny.

00:38:14.128 --> 00:38:30.148
They can't stop laughing and it's hard because even like we're guys and it's, we're just that and it's for us like haha, yeah when we laugh at them and it is kind of funny because we know it's innocent and they laugh and we're kind of being serious like okay, quit doing that.

00:38:30.148 --> 00:38:31.231
But they think it's so funny.

00:38:31.833 --> 00:38:58.527
Yeah, oh, that's a tough one but yeah, but whenever they, when they start going to school, I said like if anyone ever touches you you just kick them as hard as you possibly can and you run away and tell somebody um, if you know, we talked about like unwanted touching, unwanted conversation, unwanted anything if it, if it feels weird, run, you know that kind of stuff, yeah, um, and one of the harder things is like you know, don't hit girls.

00:38:58.568 --> 00:39:03.788
That's like the big one you know, we haven't made it that far yet don't hit girls um.

00:39:03.887 --> 00:39:15.951
But now we're uh austin's in in sixth grade and he has his first dance, school dance yeah school dances this friday and so, uh, yeah, this should be an exciting time for him.

00:39:15.951 --> 00:39:23.458
He's pretty pumped about it and we went over like appropriate touching of like a girl like when you dance with her.

00:39:23.458 --> 00:39:26.260
I said this is the appropriate sixth grade stance.

00:39:29.266 --> 00:39:30.250
Yeah, that's it.

00:39:30.269 --> 00:39:44.815
I always laugh because I was like like it was junior high, like sixth grade and then seventh grade, eighth grade and then slowly it just came in junior and senior and you're just like all right, who cares?

00:39:44.815 --> 00:39:45.637
And then we said you're gonna got some.

00:39:45.657 --> 00:39:49.929
Some girls might like stick their booty out and like you know, kind of twerk, twerk, absolutely do not go back.

00:39:50.070 --> 00:39:55.864
Do not do, don't just get away from them that's a high possibility that happened what?

00:39:55.864 --> 00:40:04.954
You want to do is get a circle of your friends the dudes and you guys are going to have like some guy that's going to be doing dance moves where he hits the ground, pops up, hits the ground pops up like 50 times.

00:40:04.954 --> 00:40:05.695
Everyone's going to laugh.

00:40:05.695 --> 00:40:06.376
He'll love it.

00:40:06.376 --> 00:40:07.119
Jump in there.

00:40:07.199 --> 00:40:18.094
It's fun and then you're going to.

00:40:18.094 --> 00:40:23.800
Would like to be a fly on the wall for that oh it just would be so funny dang.

00:40:24.222 --> 00:40:25.409
Do you think jet will actually do that?

00:40:25.409 --> 00:40:27.134
Oh yeah, jet.

00:40:27.355 --> 00:40:37.106
Jet will I mean austin oh, I was like jet's gonna be the one in there that says no, dad, I'm gonna take this uh-huh, yeah, jet's gonna go rock, the dance moves he.

00:40:37.106 --> 00:40:40.398
Yeah, he would be the one that's out there, like he would be the guy you were talking about first.

00:40:40.398 --> 00:40:41.605
It's on the floor absolutely crazy.

00:40:41.664 --> 00:40:44.994
Yeah, austin is just would be a wallflower and that's why I love.

00:40:45.014 --> 00:40:50.556
That's why it makes me laugh with austin's personality sometimes, because it's so much like mine, dang first born pks.

00:40:50.576 --> 00:41:01.864
Yeah, he's just like, and you just sit back and just watch yeah, he's gonna sit there and watch and then he'll probably have a girl ask him a dance and he'll be like, okay, and then he'll, you know I talked about this the other day, my first.

00:41:02.344 --> 00:41:12.844
I went to christian school all the way up until sixth grade and then I went to public and my first dance was in sixth grade and my mom was like absolutely not, like no, you're not going.

00:41:12.844 --> 00:41:17.012
And all of a sudden I had friends come over and beg and she finally let me go and it it was at the Methodist church basement.

00:41:17.012 --> 00:41:18.494
Now I talk about it.

00:41:18.494 --> 00:41:20.378
I'm like mom, how ridiculous is this?

00:41:20.378 --> 00:41:22.949
We went in there and I was going this.

00:41:22.949 --> 00:41:25.456
I am so scared right now, like how does this even work?

00:41:25.456 --> 00:41:26.445
I don't even know how to dance.

00:41:26.445 --> 00:41:27.306
What are we doing?

00:41:27.306 --> 00:41:29.771
I never asked a girl to dance one time.

00:41:30.110 --> 00:41:36.981
And I had and there's one girl came up to me and asked me like three different times and, oh gosh, I was so nervous and did the.

00:41:39.164 --> 00:41:41.228
That's how you do it right there, oh man that's fun.

00:41:41.349 --> 00:41:41.929
That is fun.

00:41:41.929 --> 00:41:43.333
Well, yeah, anywho.

00:41:43.594 --> 00:41:43.896
All right.

00:41:43.896 --> 00:41:46.106
Well, hey, thanks so much for watching we talk.

00:41:46.106 --> 00:41:47.311
Faith, culture, everything in between.

00:41:47.311 --> 00:41:51.204
If you want to ask any questions, you can text us at 737-231-0605.

00:41:51.204 --> 00:41:52.570
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00:41:52.570 --> 00:41:56.947
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